


DadSquad

by Skwibbiblee



Category: Hamilton - Miranda, Turn (TV 2014), Turn: Washington's Spies
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, More characters to come, ah yes another chatfic, martha manning literally is only there for like two lines, this fandom needs more of those
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-29
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-10-24 11:30:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 16,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10740816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skwibbiblee/pseuds/Skwibbiblee
Summary: NoChill™: hey, so do any of you know how to raise a kid?FreckledJesus: Don't look at me, Frances barely scraped by normallyTheFrenchiestFry: Just be there for themTheFrenchiestFry: unless they refuse to sleepTheFrenchiestFry: Then go full dad mode.TheFrenchiestFry: No mercy.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> NoChill™: Alexander Hamilton  
> FreckledJesus: John Laurens  
> Ineednointroduction: Hercules Mulligan  
> TheFrenchiestFry: Lafayette 
> 
> More to come.

NoChillTM: hey, so do any of you know how to raise a kid?

FreckledJesus: Don't look at me, Frances barely scraped by normally

TheFrenchiestFry: Just be there for them  
TheFrenchiestFry: unless they refuse to sleep  
TheFrenchiestFry: Then go full dad mode.  
TheFrenchiestFry: No mercy.

NoChillTM: Thanks, laf. Pip is teething right now, and it's utter hell in this house, and it's so freaking sad.  
NoChillTM: He's so tiny and I just want him to stop crying.  
NoChillTM: It's heartbreaking

FreckledJesus: Have you tried rubbing his gums? Martha used to do that with Frances when she got cranky while teething. Says the pressure helps?

NoChillTM: It helps?

FreckledJesus: Yeah, just clean your hands and push lightly on your son's gums to relieve some of the pressure.  
FreckledJesus: It probably hurts like a bitch tbh I think the pressure would help relieve the pain  
FreckledJesus: Kids go through so much shit

Ineednointroduction: Amen to that.

TheFrenchiestFry: Mon ami~!  
TheFrenchiestFry: Where have you been?

Ineednointroduction: Working.

TheFrenchiestFry: Booooo  
TheFrenchiestFry: How's Will?

Ineednointroduction: I actually just got back with Ellie and him from the school.

 

TheFrenchiestFry: Oh?

Ineednointroduction: He was bullying some of the other children.

TheFrenchiestFry: Oh my...  
TheFrenchiestFry: What are you going to do?

Ineednointroduction: I don't know, to be completely honest.  
Ineednointroduction: He's not a bad kid  
Ineednointroduction: He just did a bad thing  
Ineednointroduction: How do I treat that?

NoChillTM: Maybe sit him down and explain what he did was wrong?

Ineednointroduction: Alex, he's like five.

NoChillTM: And there's no time like the present to start logical reasoning with your toddler

FreckledJesus: Chill, Alex.  
FreckledJesus: And Herc, just do what you feel is right  
FreckledJesus: In the end, it is up to you, after all.

NoChillTM: When did you get so wise?

FreckledJesus: I've always been this wise, whatcha talkin' 'bout?

NoChillTM: riiiiiiiiiight

FreckledJesus: Offended

NoChillTM: <3

TheFrenchiestFry: MERDE

NoChillTM: What's up?

TheFrenchiestFry: I forgot about Georges!! Adrienne is going to have my hide!!

FreckledJesus: Hahahahahahahahaha

TheFrenchiestFry: Shut up, your daughter was with my son.

FreckledJesus: Shit.

NoChillTM: Remind me to raise Philip better than you two raise your children

FreckledJesus: Oh shut up, Alex

NoChillTM: ;D

FreckledJesus: Laf, where were they hanging out again?

TheFrenchiestFry: Upstairs. A kid can't get into too much trouble when left alone, right?

FreckledJesus:...  
FreckledJesus: Have fun redecorating

TheFrenchiestFry: Oh lord

Ineednointroduction: Ellie is talking with Will  
Ineednointroduction: I honestly don't know what i'd do without that woman sometimes

NoChillTM: die

Ineednointroduction: tbh yeah

FreckledJesus: Shoutout to the mamas that stay

Ineednointroduction: rt

NoChillTM: rt

FreckledJesus: Bless'em.  
FreckledJesus: Anyway, off of this topic and onto another  
FreckledJesus: Who's actually prepared for birthdays?

NoChillTM: ahahahaAHAHAHAAHAAAAAAAAAA-  
NoChillTM: don't talk to me or my wife and kid ever again

TheFrenchiestFry: That bad, mon lapin?

NoChillTM: Between Eliza, Philip, and you schmucks, I'm broke as shit  
NoChillTM: speaking of being broke as shit, guess what my cashier ass saw out on the sales floor  
NoChillTM: Jefferson and his daughters.

FreckledJesus: Jeez.

Ineednointroduction: let me guess  
Ineednointroduction: He saw you?

NoChillTM: Saw me, came into my line, altogether just made my life hell, and all I could do was smile.  
NoChillTM: I swear, if I see Burr, that's gonna be the end of me  
NoChillTM: talk less, smile more  
NoChillTM: kill me

FreckledJesus: Hey, I've offered to give you money

NoChillTM: I die as a cashier and making my own money, or I die trying, my dear Laurens

FreckledJesus: :p  
FreckledJesus: You're a stubborn man

NoChillTM: that's true

Ineednointroduction: Jeez, Alex.

NoChillTM: Yo, John, thanks for the gum rubbing advice  
NoChillTM: Pip is calming down considerably

Ineednointroduction: Have you tried cold teething toys?

NoChillTM: Liza has a few in the freezer, actually.

Ineednointroduction: We used them for Will, and it supposedly really helped

NoChillTM: I'll keep that in mind  
\----

NoChillTM: JOHN, YOU FUCKTRUCK

FreckledJesus: i'm dying this is G R E A T

NoChillTM: STOP COMING TO SEE ME AT WORK  
NoChillTM: I'M TRYING TO BE GOOD

Ineednointroduction: yooooo  
Ineednointroduction: what did i miss?

FreckledJesus: I snuck behind the register to see Alex on his break, and spooked him into hitting a call manager button

Ineednointroduction: jfc

FreckledJesus: He's currently pouting and being adorable as shit while checking people out

Ineednointroduction: Sounds about right  
Ineednointroduction: Can he see over the register?

FreckledJesus: He actually can  
FreckledJesus: I thought he'd need a stool

NoChillTM: SHUT UR FUCK

FreckledJesus: He lives

TheFrenchiestFry: John, why must you patronize him?

FreckledJesus: He knows I love him  
FreckledJesus: I was just in the store buying some stuff for Frances while she's at the babysitter's, and I knew Alex was working, so I decided to say hi

 

Ineednointroduction: Say hi in a way that doesn't get him fired

FreckledJesus: That's no fun

\---

TheFrenchiestFry: Georges is starting to read~!

NoChillTM: How can you tell?

FreckledJesus: Did he get a hold of your dirty magazines and start quoting things?

TheFrenchiestFry: Non, those are locked up  
TheFrenchiestFry: He started reading and pronouncing things on the cereal box

Ineednointroduction: That's cute as shit

TheFrenchiestFry: Oui

NoChillTM: gUys HOW DO I STOP PHILIP FROM PULLING OUT MY HHAIRRR

FreckledJesus: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH

NoChillTM: I'M NOT DAD MATERIAL

FreckledJesus: AHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAAAAAAA

NoChillTM: SHUT UP

FreckledJesus: HAAAAAAAAAA

\--NoChillTM has kicked user: FreckledJesus--

Ineednointroduction: oh damn

TheFrenchiestFry: Merde

NoChillTM: I panicked

Ineednointroduction: No shit

\--TheFrenchiestFry has added user: FreckledJesus--

FreckledJesus: I'm hurt that you'd do that to me, Alex

NoChillTM: I PANICKED

FreckledJesus: Blocked and reported

NoChillTM: I 'M SOR R Y

FreckledJesus: ...  
FreckledJesus: Apology accepted

NoChillTM: <3

Ineednointroduction: Get a room

FreckledJesus: Only if you join

Ineednointroduction: Ya kinky fuck

FreckledJesus: ;D

TheFrenchiestFry: Why am I always left out  
TheFrenchiestFry: This is the greatest thing of disrespect I have ever witnessed

NoChillTM: We didn't forget you, you just weren't in the coversation that that moment

FreckledJesus: that that

NoChillTM: sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssshut the fuck up

FreckledJesus: What ever happened to Philip anyway?

NoChillTM: He's a permanent part of my hair now

FreckledJesus: rip  
\------

NoChillTM: insert group chat text thing here to wake anyone with their notifications on up before i actually sleep  
NoChillTM: <33333

FreckledJesus: gOD DAMMIT ALEX  
FreckledJesus: YOU KNOW MY PHONE IS ALWAYS ON  
FreckledJesus: It's three in the morning i was sleeping what the fuuuuuucccckkkkkk

Ineednointroduction: I will end you

FreckledJesus: same  
\----------

TheFrenchiestFry: So, I see I avoided an Alex bomb

FreckledJesus: t'was grand  
FreckledJesus: Not really, I'm still tired as shit  
FreckledJesus: Herc is a grump  
FreckledJesus: But I guess Alex actually slept, so?

Ineednointroduction: I'm still going to end him

FreckledJesus: rt  
\------

NoChillTM: Who gave you the right

FreckledJesus: We drew straws on who was watching the kids  
FreckledJesus: You lost  
FreckledJesus: Have fun watching our little devils

NoChillTM: I can't deal with screaming infants

FreckledJesus: Then it's a good thing the only screaming infant is you

NoChillTM: ummmm??? don't be?? fucking rude????

FreckledJesus: And we're also taking Eliza out for the night too

NoChillTM: MY OWN WIFE

FreckledJesus: <3333333

NoChillTM: I hate you all

Ineednointroduction: Just try not to kill them

TheFrenchiestFry: If you're truly "terrible", Georges will tell you

NoChillTM: thanks for the vote of confidence

TheFrenchiestFry: Any time

\-----

NoChillTM: Okay, so I know you're all in a movie or whatever  
NoChillTM: BUt it's your loss bc the kids are being adorable  
NoChillTM: And I'm not going to send you pictures even though I know you want them  
NoChillTM: suck on that  
\------

FreckledJesus: We're out of the movie now and headed home  
FreckledJesus: Text me when you get this

 

FreckledJesus: Alex

 

 

 

 

 

FreckledJesus: Alex, seriously where are you?

 

 

 

 

FreckledJesus: Alexander seriously where the fuck are you and why are you not answering

 

 

 

FreckledJesus: Alex where are the kids!?

 

 

FreckledJesus: Alexander Hamilton where the fuck are the kids!

 

 

FreckledJesus: Unlock your door!  
FreckledJesus: I'm breaking it down  
FreckledJesus: Nevermind Eiza has a key  
\-----  
NoChillTM: jFC????  
NoChillTM: We were watching Moana maybe calm the hell down?????

 

FreckledJesus: You didn't answer  
FreckledJesus: I thought the kids had rebelled

NoChillTM: I don't keep my phone on, John, you know that!

FreckledJesus: Well, you should

Ineednointroduction: Otherwise turtleman may kick your door down in search of his child

TheFrenchiestFry: At least he's dedicated

NoChillTM: He cares, at least  
NoChillTM: Then again, if one of you had Pip I would've broken a window to get in tbh

FreckledJesus: And what, carry your kid through the broken glass?

NoChillTM: No, I would unlock the door AFTER crawling through the window and then take him home

Ineednointroduction: geez remind me to never watch philip then  
Ineednointroduction: Ellie would have a heart attack if she came here and there was broken glass everywhere

FreckledJesus: Duct tape helps fix holes

NoChillTM: Does it help fix the holes in even more duct tape?

FreckledJesus: Duct tapeception  
FreckledJesus: No, but imagine a burgular, or Alex, in this case

NoChillTM: rude

FreckledJesus: They toss a rock and it hurls itself back at them like a slingshot  
FreckledJesus: They get injured  
FreckledJesus: Boom, no more theft

TheFrenchiestFry: You're a special one, Mr. Laurens

FreckledJesus: C'mon, it's not that bad

NoChillTM: And if they have the brain to cut through it with like scissors?

FreckledJesus: Shhhhhhhh, my dear boy, shhhhhhh

NoChillTM: Dork

FreckledJesus: D':


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I added more characters at the end~
> 
> Here's more of the boys being dads, and also the addition of mrs. eliza being a sweetheart

NoChillTM: Why are diapers so expensive

FreckledJesus: Because kids shit a lot

Ineednointroduction: True

NoChillTM: Eh, true  
NoChillTM: Personally, I miss when they were a lot less  
NoChillTM: Betsey is even thinking of investing in cloth nappies

FreckledJesus: Ew

NoChillTM: It's no different than cleaning the kid itself

FreckledJesus: I'd rather stick to pampers tyvm

Ineednointroduction: I can help you guys with cloth diapers  
Ineednointroduction: They're real easy to make

TheFrenchiestFry: Ever the friend, aren't you?

NoChillTM: Lafayette!  
NoChillTM: Where have you been?

TheFrenchiestFry: I've been helping Georges with learning to speak and read  
TheFrenchiestFry: I hear you have been having baby trouble?

NoChillTM: Eheh, um, a bit?  
NoChillTM: Well, you know Pip is the youngest of the group

TheFrenchiestFry: Much like you

NoChillTM: Well, yeah, and he's not pottytrained yet, so I'm blowing through diapers like mad over here  
NoChillTM: What do you think of cloth diapers?  
NoChillTM: John says no, Herc says yes, I'm on the fence, and Eliza wants to try them for Pip

TheFrenchiestFry: OH, cloth diapers are adorable!  
TheFrenchiestFry: But aren't you worried they'd stain, mon ami?

Ineednointroduction: Not if you use the correct fabric

NoChillTM: THANK YOU

FreckledJesus: I dunno, man, they just seem unsanitary

NoChillTM: What do you think they did in the olden days, eh?

FreckledJesus: And if he wets himself?

Ineednointroduction: Just double up on insulation  
Ineednointroduction: The diaper itself may be cloth but it'd be multiple layers, John

FreckledJesus: Ooooooh  
FreckledJesus: I was picturing one layer

Ineednointroduction: Well, no shit that wouldn't work, ya idiot

NoChillTM: You amuse me, Laurens.

FreckledJesus: Shut uuuuupppp  
\-----

NoChillTM: Can I add Betseyyyyyyyyy?

FreckledJesus: Depends, will I have to fight for you?

NoChillTM: Maybe

FreckledJesus: That might be a deal breaker

NoChillTM: awwww c'mon baby

FreckledJesus: Especially when you do shit like that  
FreckledJesus: How the fuck am I supposed to share when he does stuff like this, guys?

TheFrenchiestFry: Lovers quarrel~

NoChillTM: I'm married

FreckledJesus: I was  
FreckledJesus: Ish  
FreckledJesus: I'm a single pringle now

Ineednointroduction: psh yeah "single"

FreckledJesus: You wanna say that to my face?

TheFrenchiestFry: Calm down, calm down  
TheFrenchiestFry: Let's just add Eliza and calm down for a bit?

NoChillTM: yeeee

FreckledJesus: I'm gonna go help Frances

NoChillTM: Jooooooooohn

FreckledJesus: >:I  
FreckledJesus: Go hang with your wife

NoChillTM: John please

FreckledJesus: No

NoChillTM: Come on, you love her!

FreckledJesus: Eliza is a swell girl, yes

NoChillTM: Lafffffff help me make him see reason

TheFrenchiestFry: Oh, laurenssssss

FreckledJesus: Fuck me

TheFrenchiestFry: haha but that is not my job  
TheFrenchiestFry: Unless you want it to be

FreckledJesus: figuratively fuck me then

NoChillTM: harsh

FreckledJesus: :p  
\-----

\--User: NoChillTM added Users: CinnamonRollTM and Burrden--

NoChillTM: I snagged Burr in with my wife  
NoChillTM: pride is not the word i'm looking for

FreckledJesus: Ahahaha wow poor guy

CinnamonRollTM: Hello boys ^^

NoChillTM: Look at my wifeeeeee

CinammonRollTM: >///<

FreckledJesus: She uses emotes, i'm dead  
FreckledJesus: Your wife is officially the cutest in this group

TheFrenchiestFry: I thought I was the cutest  
TheFrenchiestFry: Although, I admit, Eliza would have anyone beat

FreckledJesus: Everyone is so precious  
FreckledJesus: Why am I feeling so salty

NoChillTM: Isn't that Burr's job?

FreckledJesus: Too much sunshine  
FreckledJesus: Makes me parched

NoChillTM: And gives you more freckles

Ineednointroduction: Heya, Mrs. Eliza

CinammonRollTM: Hello, Mr. Mulligan~!  
CinammonRollTM: OH, and Mr. Lafayette!

TheFrenchiestFry: :D i've been blessed

FreckledJesus: Neeeeeeeeeeeeeerd

CinammonRollTM: And how could I miss Mr. Laurens?

FreckledJesus: :DD  
FreckledJesus: Okay, she can stay

CinammonRollTM: How are the children?

TheFrenchiestFry: Georges is beginning to read

Ineednointroduction: William is in preschool as of a couple days ago 

FreckledJesus: Frances has taken up dancing

CinammonRollTM: Amazing~!  
CinammonRollTM: I'm not sure what Alexander has said about Philip, but his baby teeth are coming in~!

TheFrenchiestFry: Indeed, we have heard~!  
TheFrenchiestFry: How is he?

CinammonRollTM: He is darling, sleeping like a lamb in his crib at this moment

TheFrenchiestFry: They are most precious when asleep, are they not?

NoChillTM: When he's not pulling out my hair he's the most precious thing in the world

FreckledJesus: Ey, yo, Liza, i've been meaning to ask you about that

CinammonRollTM: ??

FreckledJesus: Does Philip only target Alex with the hair pulling?

CinammonRollTM: No, sadly not  
CinammonRollTM: I've had to put my hair up lately to avoid him grabbing it  
CinammonRollTM: I bap his fingers, but he still pulls

Burrden: Try prying them lightly with your own fingers, or tickling him to avert his attention elsewhere  
Burrden: Theo would pull her mother's hair, and that usually worked to stop it

NoChillTM: BURR

Burrden: Alexander  
Burrden: To what do I owe the pleasure of being added to this group?

TheFrenchiestFry: We're helping Alex raise his kid by giving him advice

Burrden: And how is that going?

TheFrenchiestFry: Well,

Ineednointroduction: Bad

FreckledJesus: Terrible

NoChillTM: He's teethinnnnngggggg

Burrden: Oh, I imagine that hurts ):

CinammonRollTM: He's asleep right now, but I try to keep him chewing on a cold teething ring when he's awake

Burrden: Theo has yet to hit that stage

NoChillTM: Hah, good luck

CinammonRollTM: Alexander!

NoChillTM: :I

\---

CinammonRollTM: Oh shoot

NoChillTM: What is it, love?

CinammonRollTM: I overcooked again

NoChillTM: Oh

CinammonRollTM: Too much pasta again  
CinammonRollTM: Boys, would any of you like to come over for dinner?

Ineednointroduction: Ellie has dinner planned  
Ineednointroduction: Sorry, Mrs. Eliza

CinammonRollTM: That's quite alright, Mr. Mulligan ^^

FreckledJesus: Accidently cook ten pounds of pasta again, Mrs. Hamilton?

CinammonRollTM: Only seven this time, but, yes, I cooked a lot ):

FreckledJesus: If you'd allow myself and Frances to come by, we can help you eat it 

CinammonRollTM: Oh, that'd be a blessing, Mr. Laurens ^^

NoChillTM: Yes, My dear Laurens, come join us 

FreckledJesus: Why, of course, my dear boy

CinammonRollTM: You two surely are great friends

FreckledJesus: mhmm  
FreckledJesus: When should Frances and I drop by?

CinammonRollTM: Let me rouse Philip from his nap and you can head right over 

NoChillTM: I'll do it, love

CinammonRollTM: You're in your study  
CinammonRollTM: It's truly no problem

TheFrenchiestFry: Ah, ah, ah  
TheFrenchiestFry: My lady, why not let Alexander do it?  
TheFrenchiestFry: Anything that gets him to leave that damn study is a miracle, is it not?

CinammonRollTM: Well...  
CinammonRollTM: Alright

NoChillTM: Hey!  
\----

\--User: CinammonRollTM added Users: Werk and Padgie--

CinammonRollTM: Oh shoot

NoChillTM: The Schuyler sisters 

TheFrenchiestFry: Did you mean to do that, Mrs. Hamilton?

CinammonRollTM: shdjxhgjsdhgksd

FreckledJesus: Haha, I guess not  
FreckledJesus: Sometimes if you click the wrong key, you auto-add all your contacts

NoChillTM: ...  
NoChillTM: Tell me this key

FreckledJesus: Alexander, no!

NoChillTM: Boo  
NoChillTM: I just want to add Jefferson

FreckledJesus: Which is precisely why we're not telling you the button

Ineednointroduction: Doesn't alex have like the whole of new york in his contacts?

NoChillTM: It's for public service

CinammonRollTM: He does

Burrden: Sweet jesus

TheFrenchiestFry: It's Shift+ commands{add all}

FreckledJesus: LAFAYETTE NO

NoChillTM: AHAHAHAHAHAHHA

Werk: Alexander, don't you dare!

Padgie: Wat did i miss i was getting starbucks

FreckledJesus: We're about to witness hell

Padgie: well shit

CinammonRollTM: Alexander!

\--User: NoChillTM has added Users: ScratchandSniff,NotyourDolley, LLPH, WashingDONE, Mama, EllieMull, Don'tNeedNoManning, RedHot, and Theodoseoff--

Padgie: <.<

FreckledJesus: for the love of fUCK  
FreckledJesus: YOU ADDED MY WIFE

Don'tNeedNoManning: Ex wife

FreckledJesus: I'm just gonna

\--User: FreckledJesus deleted User: Don'tNeedNoManning--

FreckledJesus: There, that's better

Burrden: Yikes

Ineednointroduction: oh fuck he added mine too

EllieMull: Hey baby~ <3

Ineednointroduction: <33

RedHot: get a rooooooooom

LLPH: I read your name as redthot tbh

ScratchandSniff: BGJDHBGHJFD

NotyourDolley: JEFFERSON!

LLPH: Is it not true?

RedHot: I'd kick you where the sun don't shine, but i'd rather my foot not be lodged straight up your gaping ass

FreckledJesus: DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN

NoChillTM: llph?

LLPH: C'mon, Hamilfuck, you should know this

NoChillTM: Language  
NoChillTM: Also, there is no FUCKING way you used "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" as a frickin' username  
NoChillTM: Then again, knowing you, it's completely reasonable that you'd be, how you say, too unoriginal to think of your own name?

WashingDONE: Son

NoChillTM: Don't call me son

CinammonRollTM: Oh dear

TheFrenchiestFry: I expected drama, but nothing like this 

Padgie: same

Theodoseoff: Wow, this is definitely something to get off work to

Burrden: Can we all go back to talking about our kids instead of fighting

Theodoseoff: Oh, Aaron, you're here ^^

Burrden: begrudgingly

Theodoseoff: Is Theo still sleeping?

Burrden: Like a baby

Theodoseoff: How precious :DD

Burrden: :)

NoChillTM: fhdkdks  
NoChillTM: /////t///ggg9sdidjw  
NoChillTM: ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssfnfje45ms

FreckledJesus: ?????

NoChillTM: Pip said hi

FreckledJesus: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

LLPH: Oh, that's right, Ham has a kid

NoChillTM: Yes  
NoChillTM: And he's precious and MINE

CinammonRollTM: Nevermind the fact I carried him for nine months

NoChillTM: details, details

CinammonRollTM: >:(

NoChillTM: Okay, okay!  
NoChillTM: he's both of ours equally!

CinammonRollTM: :DD

LLPH: AHAHAHAHHAHA

NoChillTM: SHUT UP, JEFFERSON


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is turning into a shitpost tbh
> 
> I tried giving Jefferson more of a personality but I also always make him the butt of everyone's joke, so that cancelled itself out
> 
> I'm surprised you guys actually like this

TheFrenchiestFry: Thomas, you've raised children, yes?

LLPH: Yup

TheFrenchiestFry: How do you deal with them learning to read and speak?

LLPH: You just let it happen  
LLPH: If they get their hands on soemthing bad, hey, at least you can teach them it's bad  
LLPH: *something

TheFrenchiestFry: I only ask because Georges is beginning to read and i'm nervous  
TheFrenchiestFry: Adrienne says I am, how you say, overreacting  
TheFrenchiestFry: But I just don't know what to do???

LLPH: Firstly, calm your French tits  
LLPH: secondly, kids will read and talk when they feel like it  
LLPH: thirdly, why are you nervous?

WashingDONE: He's right, children will read and write when they feel like it

LLPH: Yooooooooo, it's Washington

TheFrenchiestFry: Bonjour, sir

WashingDONE: Hello, boys

LLPH: SO, what, were you the babysitter for people or something?  
LLPH: We all know you ain't got no kids

WashingDONE: Watching you all is enough

FreckledJesus: HAHAHAHAHHA  
FreckledJesus: Yo, washington, dude, how are you?

WashingDONE: Well, I am actually watching Hamilton's child right now

LLPH: No shit?

WashingDONE: Yeah, his little philip  
WashingDONE: He's going out with his wife, and I offered to watch the child while they were out

LLPH: You are the babysitter, I can't believe i was right about that

FreckledJesus: That's kinda cute

Mama: He's a sucker for children

WashingDONE: Ah, there you are!

Mama: :D here I am

WashingDONE: Wanna hold the little one?

Mama: omw

TheFrenchiestFry: So precious

FreckledJesus: Wait, alex is on a date and he didn't tell us?

Ineednointroduction: he probably wanted some alone time

FreckledJesus: Fair

EllieMull: He's probably celebrating an anniversary

FreckledJesus: Also fair  
FreckledJesus: Is Pip well behaved, sir?

Mama: George is away from the phone right now

FreckledJesus: Oh?

Mama: He's a sucker for kids  
Mama: I've said it before  
Mama: But to answer your question, "pip" is extremely well behaved

LLPH: Does that just mean Hamilton is bad with his kid?

Mama: >:I

LLPH: shit

Mama: Kids are hard to raise, alright!

LLPH: wwwwwwwwwwhy is it always meeeeeeee  
LLPH: allisaidwasonethingandnowihavemartha'srageuponme

FreckledJesus: 'Cause you speak your mind like a lil bitchtits

TheFrenchiestFry: maybe just don't talk like that about hamilson or his father?

Ineednointroduction: hamilson

TheFrenchiestFry: catchy, is it not?

WashingDONE: Hamilson...  
WashingDONE: I'm stealing that

TheFrenchiestFry: At least credit me a bit

FreckledJesus: Washingtoooooonnnnnnnn  
FreckledJesus: Can you call Hamilton hamilson  
FreckledJesus: I wanna see it

LLPH: same

ScratchandSniff: Doesn't he not like that

LLPH: Jemmy hush the adults are talking

ScratchandSniff: Bite me.

TheFrenchiestFry: I didn't order salt, but we're sure drowning in it right now

Burrden: What is going on?

FreckledJesus: Salt X2

Burrden: =_=

NotyourDolley: You boys are ridiculous

Ineednointroduction: You ladies don't understand fun

EllieMull: Ahem.

FreckledJesus: hahahahaaaaaa

Ineednointroduction: I will add your wife back

FreckledJesus: shit

Theodoseoff: Wait, I thought you were reliable with the ladies?

Burrden: HA

FreckledJesus: dear christ on a bike in hell  
FreckledJesus: How far out of the loop have you been?

NoChillTM: He hasn't been "reliable" with the ladies since high school when he found out he likes the guys more than the gals

FreckledJesus: Alex~!

NoChillTM: See?

FreckledJesus: Ignoring that.  
FreckledJesus: How'd you get Washington to watch your kid?

CinammonRollTM: We simply asked ^^

Ineednointroduction: Did you enjoy your time off?

NoChillTM: Oh, we're not home yet

Padgie: Use protection this time

CinammonRollTM: FGBHJDGKJSDDFSDFDGSA

FreckledJesus: Haha, good ol' peggy  
FreckledJesus: You always know how to ruin the mood

Padgie: :DD  
Padgie: ANgelica bet me tacobell that I couldn't do it

Werk: The bet is still on

CinammonRollTM: >:(  
\---

FreckledJesus: I don't have to worry about Frances going through puberty until she's like twelve, right?

TheFrenchiestFry: I don't know, mon ami, sometimes they start early

FreckledJesus: Fuuuuuck i'm too gay to be a dad

NoChillTM: rt  
NoChillTM: I mean what

CinammonRollTM: Alexander!

LLPH: AHahaHAHA

Theodoseoff: Some kids start late as well, so you might be dealing with a late bloomer  
Theodoseoff: Why do you ask, Mr. Laurens?

FreckledJesus: Part of me just doesn't want her to grow up

Theodoseoff: That's precious  
Theodoseoff: And neither of you are too gay to be dads  
Theodoseoff: You're just ill experienced, is all

Burrden: What she said

FreckledJesus: Well, I mean, I grew up with tons of siblings, male and female, so I should've known that, but....

RedHot: What you've really got to worry about is whether or not you're gonna spoil your little princess rotten  
RedHot: Girls will remember that  
RedHot: And use it against you

FreckledJesus: Oh jeez, I already give her anything she wants

Padgie: So you're one of THOSE dads

Werk: Nothing wrong with a little loving

CinammonRollTM: Just try to remember children, even your precious babygirl, needs punishment sometimes

NoChillTM: Otherwise, you may just raise a little brat

CinammonRollTM: Alexander!

NoChillTM: What? It's true

CinammonRollTM: Well, yes, but...

LLPH: I'm gonna give you some advice, Laurens

NoChilTM: Oooh, advice from a macaroni fuck

LLPH: Hamilton, shut up  
LLPH: With girls, especially little ones, you've gotta be careful at where you draw the line  
LLPH: You don't wanna be too harsh, or too kind?  
LLPH: I probably worded that wrong

NoChillTM: You did  
NoChillTM: Lenient would have worked better right there

LLPH: Anyway  
LLPH: Aside from punishment, show unconditional love  
LLPH: They may be brats, but they will always be your children

FreckledJesus: Well shit  
FreckledJesus: Um, thanks for that, Jefferson..  
FreckledJesus: It actually means a lot

TheFrenchiestFry: Ah, that was so sweet to read

EllieMull: I agree

NoChillTM: He's still a dick, but I have to admit that wasn't all that bad

LLPH: Glad to be of service  
LLPH: As for puberty  
LLPH: That's hell  
LLPH: Prepare for war

NoChillTM: wow, thanks, Jefferson  
NoChillTM: We're over here trying to calm him down and you just straight up ruin it in three sentences

LLPH: I'm being truthful

NoChillTM: dick  
\---  
NoChillTM: Jeffersin  
NoChillTM:...  
NoChillTM: Didn't mean to type that, but that works

LLPH: Wot

NoChillTM: How old are your daughters again?  
NoChillTM: John's having trouble with Frances and told me to recruit you

LLPH: Twelve and one just a little bit younger than your kiddo, I guess

NoChillTM: Daaaaaaamn, you really waste no time

LLPH: Shut the hell up

NoChillTM: Anyway, thanks  
NoChillTM: John, stop hiding

FreckledJesus: I was eating, give me a break

NoChillTM: I did my part

FreckledJesus: Anywho,  
FreckledJesus: Do you have any advice for a five year old?

LLPH: Depends, what are you having trouble with?

FreckledJesus: Well, she starts kindergarten soon, and I was wondering if she'd be made fun of?

LLPH: Kids are pretty shitty in kindergarten

FreckledJesus: Exactly my thoughts  
FreckledJesus: If someone makes fun of her can I punch a six year old?  
FreckledJesus: Is that a good enough reason?

NoChillTM: Don't punch six year olds, Laurens  
NoChillTM: Even if they make fun of your daughter

Ineednointroduction: Yeah, just teach her self defense

TheFrenchiestFry: She'll be kicking ass and taking names in no time

NoChillTM: Like her father

FreckledJesus: Awww shucks  
FreckledJesus: Makin' me blush over here

LLPH: Good to know you all support this

WashingDONE: Jefferson, please, they're bonding

NoChillTM: Washington, sir!

WashingDONE: Hamilson  
WashingDONE: *Hamilton

NoChillTM: ASDFGHJK

FreckledJesus: :DD guys it happened

Ineednointroduction: and he reacted like we thought he would 

Padgie: Okay, who bet what?

Werk: I bet that he'd keyboard smash

Padgie: Dangit, girl, how do you know this twink so well?

Werk: I grew up with him???

CinammonRollTM: He's fuming and also embarrassed oh gosh what happened

LLPH: Bets were made on what would happen when hamilfuck got called hamilson by his father figure

Padgie: Anyone bet he'd die?

Burrden: I did

ScratchandSniff: R I P

\--User: LLPH has changed User: ScratchandSniff to PreciousJemmy--

PreciousJemmy: Why this, Thomas?

LLPH: your name made no sense and I was sick of seeing it pop up

PreciousJemmy: Rude.

\--User: NoChillTM has changed User: LLPH to JefferSIN--  
\--User: NoChillTM has changed User: Burrden to Saltfactory--

FreckledJesus: Damn, all this over being called Hamilson?

\--User: NoChillTM has changed User: FreckledJesus to JohnJacobJingle--

JohnJacobJingle: FDHJSDFDSJSD NOT THAT DAMN NURSERY RHYME

Padgie: I got this

\--User: Padgie has changed User: NoChillTM to Salt2.0--

Ineednointroduction: It started out as a game, how did it end in changed names

TheFrenchiestFry: It was only a game

JohnJacobJingle: It was only a game

JefferSIN: Washington calm your son

WashingDONE: Hamilton, please

Salt2.0: Your all conspired against me

CinammonRollTM: Oh dear I leave to check on Philip and come back to spite and rage  
CinammonRollTM: What did I miss?

JefferSIN: Hamilton is mad

CinammonRollTM: I see that  
CinammonRollTM: Let me see if I can calm him down

JefferSIN: first

\-- User: JefferSIN has changed User: Salt2.0 to Daddy'sCalling--

JohnJacobJingle: ASDFGHJKJLHG

Saltfactory: sweet jesus

Padgie: I shouldn't be lagughing this har dd

WashingDONE: Jefferson, that's enough.

JefferSIN: ...Fine.

\--User: JefferSIN has changed User: Daddy'sCalling to NoChillTM--

JohnJacobJingle: I'm learning to embrace this name

JefferSIN: Same

Saltfactory: =_=


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A self-indulgent Burr-focused chapter because my son needs more love  
> He's part of the revolutionary set, too, dammit!

Saltfactory: can I say something serious?

NoChillTM: shoot

Saltfactory: I think theo might be allergic to nuts

JohnJacobJingle: Oh shit, how do you know?

Saltfactory: well, i don't, that's the thing, but I feed her peanut butter and she started hyperventilating  
Saltfactory: So now I try not to feed her anything with nuts

Theodoseoff: We should get her checked out

Saltfactory: Mhmm

NoChillTM: D'aw, look at you both being responsible adults

JohnJacobJingle: And then we have you

NoChillTM: I feel personally attacked and you should be ashamed

JohnJacobJingle: You were personally attacked

NoChillTM: Rude

Saltfactory: When should I get her looked at?

Theodoseoff: How about after I get off work?  
Theodoseoff: I want to be there for her as well

Saltfactory: I'm working late D:

Theodoseoff: Shoot...  
Theodoseoff: Wait, who's watching Theo?!

Saltfactory: That would still be me  
Saltfactory: She's at my desk

Theodoseoff: You almost gave me a heart attack, Aaron!

Saltfactory: I'm sorry ):

Theodoseoff: >:I

Saltfactory: D:>

NoChillTM: How about we pick up Theo and your daughter and take her for you?

Saltfactory: You'd do that?

NoChillTM: Well, yeah, I'm not a complete dick

JefferSIN: mhmm

NoChillTM: No one asked you  
NoChillTM: So, Burr, what do ya say?

Saltfactory: I suppose so

Theodoseoff: What time should I make an appointment?

Saltfactory: Depends how late you're working

Theodoseoff: I'm off the clock soon

NoChillTM: Eliza says we can swing by Burr's office and pick up Theo soon and come get you after?   
NoChillTM: You still work at the library?

Theodoseoff: Mhmm  
Theodoseoff: I'll just call and say we're coming in  
\---

JohnJacobJingle: So?

Theodoseoff: Turns out she just doesn't like peanut butter

Saltfactory: Thank god  
Saltfactory: I thought I was putting our daughter into shock by accident

CinammonRollTM: Let us know if there's anything else we can do for you ^^

NoChillTM: Even waiting in the waiting room for like five hours

CinammonRollTM: Alexander, hush

Ineednointroduction: Did you get an epi pen, just in case?

Saltfactory: Should I have?

Theodoseoff: I did

\----

PreciousJemmy: You okay, Aaron?

JefferSIN: You're slipping a bit

TheFrenchiestFry: We're worried

Saltfactory: I'm just tired  
Saltfactory: I'm glad Theo wasn't allergic to nuts, but it reminded me how easily she could get hurt at my hands  
Saltfactory: It's a bit of a shock, y'know?

JefferSIN: You think we haven't made the same mistake?  
JefferSIN: Kids will put anything in their mouths

Saltfactory: But i'm the one who put the peanut butter there  
Saltfactory: That was my fault

Ineednointroduction: C'mon, Aaron, don't let it eat you  
Ineednointroduction: Your daughter is gonna be fine  
Ineednointroduction: If it really worries you that much, just watch what she eats and if she has a reaction, you'll know what caused it

Saltfactory: Alright... Thanks for caring

TheFrenchiestFry: No problem

Ineednointroduction: We're here for you, dude


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Henry Laurens is a horrible man
> 
> Washington is the best babysitter
> 
> Kids+Cake= Hell
> 
> and we got an inside look to how Jefferson handles personal attacks to his family

JohnJacobJingle: Guess who messaged me

NoChillTM: idfk 

JohnJacobJingle: My father

NoChillTM: oh shit

JohnJacobJingle: How do you politely tell your father the reason your marriage didn't work out was because you're gayer than a pride parade float

NoChillTM: Why is he messaging you now, anyway?

JohnJacobJingle: fuck if I know, I just know I'm gay and he's homophobic 

NoChillTM: You're also moved out, have a job, and a kid, and live states away?

JohnJacobJingle: True

Ineednointroduction: Why is your dad such an old timey fuck anyway?

JohnJacobJingle: Well, back in his day, a man and a woman fell in love, not a man and a man, or vise versa, which is bullshit because have you seen old timey gays? They're cute, and very much real

NoChillTM: Your dad just needs to leave tbh

JohnJacobJingle: leave?

NoChillTM: just  
NoChillTM: poof away

JohnJacobJingle: ahaha I've been saying that for years  
JohnJacobJingle: why do old people blow up phones so much  
JohnJacobJingle: I could be working  
JohnJacobJingle: Well, I mean  
JohnJacobJingle: I'm not, but still

TheFrenchiestFry: Have you tried, I don't know, talking to him about it?

JohnJacobJingle: Many times, Laf

NoChillTM: Is he pulling the whole "you can't be gay because you have a kid" bull again?

JohnJacobJingle: yup  
JohnJacobJingle: I'm so tired I want to go home 

NoChillTM: How much longer on your shift?

JohnJacobJingle: like three hours

NoChillTM: come over after, we can stress bake together 

JohnJacobJingle: prepare for never ending cake

NoChillTM: preparing

CinnamonRollTM: I'll pick up more cake mix from the store

NoChillTM: Thank you, love

JohnJacobJingle: Thank you, Mrs. Hamilton 

CinnamonRollTM: No problem, dears

TheFrenchiestFry: I want to bake, too

CinnamonRollTM: Bring over Georges, I'll watch him

NoChillTM: Hercccccc come bake with us

Ineednointroduction: hell yes

EllieMull: I want leftovers 

Ineednointroduction: okay I'll try not to eat it all

JohnJacobJingle: emphasis on try 

NoChillTM: Don't tease him, John

JohnJacobJingle: I'm gonna pack some for Frances anyway

Saltfactory: wait, you stress bake, Alexander?

CinnamonRollTM: mhmm  
CinnamonRollTM: I came home in college once and the dorm was filled with cookies

Saltfactory: I wouldn't have ever guessed that

NoChillTM: I am a complicated man

\---

JohnJacobJingle: Herc burnt the cake, pass it on

NoChillTM: Herc burnt the cake, pass it on

EllieMull: poor child 

Ineednointroduction: I'm better at cooking than baking

EllieMull: So no cake leftovers??

NoChillTM: We have like five more, don't worry  
\---

NoChillTM: FUCK

JohnJacobJingle: Translation- the kids got into the cake and now it is everywhere

JefferSIN: R I P

EllieMull: William better not be in that group of kids

Ineednointroduction: He ummm isn't  
Ineednointroduction: yesheis

EllieMull: HERCULES 

Ineednointroduction: I'm sorry! We left for one minute to get more icing and the kids were in there with the cakes the next

NoChillTM: fuckkkk

CinnamonRollTM: Elizabeth, I'm going to clean them with wipes, if that's okay

EllieMull: Do what you need to do, sweetheart  
EllieMull: I don't blame you  
EllieMull: Kids are a mess

TheFrenchiestFry: Georges led the revolt  
TheFrenchiestFry: He just admitted it

JohnJacobJingle: Frances was an accomplice

NoChillTM: Philip is asleep  
NoChillTM: For once I'm innocent 

CinnamonRollTM: for once

NoChillTM: My own wife  
\---

CinnamonRollTM: Mr. Laurens and Alexander are both asleep on the couch with Philip and I'm having feelings

Werk: Feelings?

Padgie: Feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelings

CinammonRollTM: They're so cute  
\---

WashingDONE: You know, me offering to watch Hamilton's kid one time does not mean I am the group babysitter

JohnJacobJingle: Embrace it

WashingDONE: but

Mama: Embrace  
Mama: It

WashingDONE: Yes, dear

PreciousJemmy: Why do you bring this up, sir?

NoChillTM: He's watching the babies

JefferSIN: No shit?

NoChillTM: Burr needed a break from dading

JefferSIN: Dading isn't a word, stupid

NoChillTM: it is now, ya fuck

WashingDONE: Calm down, both of you  
WashingDONE: Seriously, can you not be civil?

NoChillTM: I'm perfectly civil until he runs his mouth

JefferSIN: Well, you ain't no peach either

PreciousJemmy: Let's all just calm down, alright?

JefferSIN: He started it by being an idiot

NoChillTM: No, this is most definitely Jefferson's fault

WashingDONE: I don't care whose fault it is, I'm ending it  
WashingDONE: Hamilton, when would you like your son back?

NoChillTM: I work later tonight, but I could come and get him afterwards?  
NoChillTM: Eliza is working right now

JohnJacobJingle: He's watching Pip, too?

NoChillTM: I did say the babies

JohnJacobJingle: Haha, that's cute

WashingDONE: I enjoy my time with them, what can I say?

JohnJacobJingle: Petition to get washington into a daycare service

NoChillTM: I'd sign it tbh

JohnJacobJingle: Should I make a gofundme for it

PreciousJemmy: Isn't that for serious stuff?

JohnJacobJingle: I am SUPER serious about this

NoChillTM: You're a special one, laurens  
\---

CinammonRollTM: Thank you for watching Philip, Mr. Washington

WashingDONE: It's no problem, Mrs. Hamilton.

CinammonRollTM: Please, let us know if there is anything we can do to repay you

WashingDONE: There's no need for that  
WashingDONE: I enjoy watching him  
\--

WashingDONE: How did I get saddled with all the children

JefferSIN: You let yourself be vulnerable, and they took advantage of it, sir

WashingDONE: Dammit

PreciousJemmy: Just be happy you don't have Jefferson's daughters on top of the normal crew's children

NotyourDolley: mhmm

JefferSIN: Excuse me, my daughters are angels

PreciousJemmy: Your daughters are demons

NotyourDolley: They're something, alright

JefferSIN: >:I

PreciousJemmy: They're mini jeffersons

JefferSIN: and that's a bad thing?

PreciousJemmy: Yes

RedHot: Yes

NoChillTM: yes

JohnJacobJingle: Yes

Ineednointroduction: Yes

TheFrenchiestFry: Oui

NotyourDolley: Yes

Padgie: Yes

JefferSIN: I get it!  
JefferSIN: fuckin' hell, is this roast Jefferson day?

NoChillTM: Every day is roast Jefferson day

JefferSIN: You fucker

NoChillTM: I am perfect stfu

JefferSIN: I want to know why everyone decided to roast my children too  
JefferSIN: What the hell did they do to deserve that?

CinammonRollTM: I was wondering that as well

JefferSIN: You can mess with me  
JefferSIN: You can insult me all you want  
JefferSIN: But you leave my girls out of this

PreciousJemmy: Well, they are you, but mini  
PreciousJemmy: I suppose we were out of line

JefferSIN: No, really?  
JefferSIN: I wouldn't have guessed

Saltfactory: Oh jeez, I look at my phone and war has broken out  
Saltfactory: What did you do now?

JohnJacobJingle: We insulted Jefferson, and his kids

Saltfactory: Why?!

NoChillTM: Because we felt it a good thing to do at the time

Saltfactory: That is literally so childish??? I am????? appalled??

Theodoseoff: Yeesh, remind me never to get on the bad side of this group

JefferSIN: It's cozy in hell  
JefferSIN: Very warm  
JefferSIN: Redemption is futile, though

TheFrenchiestFry: We should apologize

CinammonRollTM: You really should  
CinammonRollTM: Alexander?

NoChillTM: Why me first?!

CinammonRollTM: Because you're being a dick

Padgie: BURN

Werk: Are you satisfied?

NoChillTM: Peggy did it too!

CinammonRollTM: Apologize.

NoChillTM: Fine!  
NoChillTM: I'm sorry for targeting your daughters, Jefferson... They didn't deserve that  
NoChillTM: But you did, so I'm not apologizing for that

CinammonRollTM: ALEXANDER!

NoChillTM: WHAT???

CinammonRollTM: Apologize sincerely!

NoChillTM: I did!

CinammonRollTM: Apologize to him as well!

NoChillTM: But, Eliza!

CinammonRollTM: No buts!

NoChillTM: :I  
NoChillTM: ...  
NoChillTM: Jefferson, I'm sorry for behaving like a child lately. I'm stressed out about being a dad.

JohnJacobJingle: Gonna scooch my booch into this conversation  
JohnJacobJingle: I'm sorry for agreeing that your daughters are like you

Ineednointroduction: Can I say that I've never even met your daughters?  
Ineednointroduction: Because I haven't, and all I know is what Alex tells me

JohnJacobJingle: Sell-out

Ineednointroduction: busybody

JohnJacobJingle: Harsh, but true

RedHot: Sorry for saying that about your kids..

Padgie: I bet you're a good dad, js

TheFrenchiestFry: He is, a very good one

JefferSIN: ...Thank you.

PreciousJemmy: I apologized in person, but I'll apologize here too.

NotyourDolley: Same

PreciousJemmy: Sorry for behaving like a child and going with the hype,  
PreciousJemmy: And for saying your daughters are demons  
PreciousJemmy: We never meant to hurt you.

NotyourDolley: From the bottom of our hearts, honest to god

JefferSIN: Thank you, all of you  
JefferSIN: Yes, even you, Hamilfuck

NoChillTM: I'll take what I can get

JefferSIN: Just, please, don't bring my daughters into this anymore  
JefferSIN: I'm begging you as a father

NoChillTM: Alright

CinammonRollTM: See? Was that so hard?

NoChillTM: No.. 

CinammonRollTM: You going to cause anymore trouble for Jefferson?

NoChillTM: No

CinammonRollTM: Good boy


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At lot has happened, but the things you need to focus on are: Washington has opened a daycare, John has an unhealthy obsession with princess sofia the first, Jemmy gives a latin lesson to Jefferson, and hamilton and jefferson cannot be chill for even five seconds

JohnJacobJingle: Princess Sofia the first is a doll and I will fight anyone who disagrees

Saltfactory: it's three in the morning

JohnJacobJingle: More time to agree that Princess Sofia did nothing wrong

CinammonRollTM: Mr. Laurens, are you alright?

JohnJacobJingle: It's a good show, okay!

NoChillTM: why did my wife just wake me up telling me to talk to you, john?

Theodoseoff: Speaking of woken up wives

EllieMull: Hear, hear

JohnJacobJingle: Frances left Princess Sofia the First on, and I've been sitting here watching it for hours  
JohnJacobJingle: and that girl has done nothing wrong so why are people so salty on tumblr???

Saltfactory: Mr. Laurens, go to bed

JohnJacobJingle: But

Ineednointroduction: john go the fuck to sleep

JohnJacobJingle: I want to continue this discourse

NoChillTM: My dear laurens, go the fuck to sleep

JohnJacobJingle: You're awake too!

NoChillTM: We'll talk about this tomorrow, now go to sleep

JohnJacobJingle: Okay but srsly why do people hate this little girl so much is it because she isn't an official disney princess in their books or

WashingDONE: I think it's moreso the fact that they don't accept her as a princess because she wasn't in a movie? Therefore the merch of her is, erm, faulty?

JohnJacobJingle: But she does have movies!  
JohnJacobJingle: Well, movie, but still.  
JohnJacobJingle: ah, shit, i woke you up too didn't i?

WashingDONE: Yes.

JohnJacobJingle: Fffffuck  
JohnJacobJingle: Sorry, sir

WashingDONE: Don't be, I'm an early riser.

JefferSIN: Well, i'm not, and neither is anyone else, so shut the fuck up

WashingDONE: Jefferson.

JefferSIN: It's three in the morning, sir.  
JefferSIN: I have kids to take to school in a couple hours

NoChillTM: bullshit, he just wants beauty rest

JefferSIN: Not everyone has babies still in the baby stage, hamilton  
JefferSIN: now, all of you  
JefferSIN: SHUT  
JefferSIN: THE FUCK  
JefferSIN: up  
\---  
Werk: You guys do know phones have a silent option, right?

Ineednointroduction: But I need to know if something serious happens

NoChillTM: You should know by now we're not serious

EllieMull: He's a cautious man

JohnJacobJingle: Never would've guessed

TheFrenchiestFry: Well if it isn't the culprit of the hour

JohnJacobJingle: Guilty

Ineednointroduction: Why were you watching that children's show anyway?

JohnJacobJingle: I was letting Frances watch netflix and she chose that, so I sat and watched it with her

NoChillTM: Johnny boy likes his shows

JohnJacobJingle: Please never call me that again

NoChillTM: got it

JohnJacobJingle: What kind of person would I be if I didn't watch the show with her?

JefferSIN: a decent human being that doesn't wake others up at 3am

JohnJacobJingle: Touche  
\---  
JefferSIN: Guys, settle this for me  
JefferSIN: it's caput, isn't it?

PreciousJemmy: It's kaput

JefferSIN: No, it's caput

PreciousJemmy: It doesn't even sound the same

JefferSIN: Ca-pot

PreciousJemmy: Ka-poot

NoChillTM: What are you guys going on about

PreciousJemmy: The correct word for useless  
PreciousJemmy: Thomas has it in his head that caput is the right word, and I know it isn't

JefferSIN: It is!

PreciousJemmy: No, it isn't

JefferSIN: And how are you so sure?

PreciousJemmy: Have you ever seen it spelled like that and not have a red wavy line on a document? It's the wrong word, Thomas

JefferSIN: I refuse to believe it

PreciousJemmy: You know what, since you're so adament, look back into your latin training.

JefferSIN: Latin train i n g...?

PreciousJemmy: Hamilton, you know latin as well, yes?

NoChillTM: Well, yes, I took it in college

PreciousJemmy: Now, tell me, how do you say, heads, shoulders, knees, and toes in latin?

NoChillTM: capite et pedibus digitos umerosque?

PreciousJemmy: Very good, now, Thomas, break it apart, word for word, from back to front

JohnJacobJingle: I feel like I'm impeding on a very sacred art of torture

JefferSIN: pollicem  
JefferSIN: Genu  
JefferSIN: humero  
JefferSIN: ....

PreciousJemmy: Go on

JefferSIN:caput

NoChillTM: that was actually brilliant

PreciousJemmy: We both took Latin in highschool, Thomas  
PreciousJemmy: I thought you would have remembered

RedHot: savage af

Padgie: ^^^

JefferSIN: Dolley, your husband is being devious

NotyourDolley: I'm so proud  
\---

Ineednointroduction: shit

Padgie: Hmmn?

Ineednointroduction: I may or may not have done the wrong stitch on this project  
Ineednointroduction: god dammit now i have to start all over

Padgie: D:

Ineednointroduction: How did I not notice earlier this is such a novice mistake it's embarrassing

Padgie: are you distracted?

Ineednointroduction: Kinda?

Padgie: What's up?

Ineednointroduction: I was sewing and listening to my son at the same time, nothing new

JohnJacobJingle: Ya okay, bud?

Ineednointroduction: nah, it's fine, it's just hours of work down the fucking drain

JohnJacobJingle: Need a drink?

Ineednointroduction: Need like five tbh

JohnJacobJingle: Hey, laffyboy, you can keep kids at bay, right?

TheFrenchiestFry: I'm good at that, oui  
TheFrenchiestFry: Do you need me to watch your children?

JohnJacobJingle: Please and thank you

TheFrenchiestFry: Don't get, as you say, hammered

JohnJacobJingle: Will do, I just want to swing by the bar and de-stress Herc  
JohnJacobJingle: Seeing him upset is so saddening

Padgie: Can I watch them, too?

Ineednointroduction: I'm fine, John  
Ineednointroduction: besides, I can't work while intoxicated

JohnJacobJingle: Forget your work for tonight, you need some fun

Ineednointroduction: ...You sure?

JohnJacobJingle: Yes, get fucking wrecked tonight

NoChillTM: If I get a call saying you beat up the bartender, I'm not getting you

JohnJacobJingle: That happened once

NoChillTM: Once at three separate locations

Ineednointroduction: He runs hot

NoChillTM: Oh, don't I know that  
NoChillTM: Just don't assault the bartender  
NoChillTM: Or the other customers who might piss you off

JohnJacobJingle: damn

EllieMull: And don't damage bar property  
EllieMull: It's so expensive

Ineednointroduction: Yes, dear

JohnJacobJingle: cute  
JohnJacobJingle: now c'moooooonnnnnnn let's get smashed  
\---  
JohnJacobJingle: mista k es hagve bnee made

NoChillTM: what now

JohnJacobJingle: He's smahsed

NoChillTM: can you even see straight?

JohnJacobJingle: i'mn gay tho????

NoChillTM: I'm going to slap you next time i see you  
\---

JohnJacobJingle: aLEX WHAT THE FUCK

NoChillTM: I warned you  
\---

Saltfactory: Have you guys heard the news?

Padgie: Hmmn?

Saltfactory: Washington and his wife are opening up a daycare

JefferSIN: too bad they don't accept 24 year old immigrants for dropping off

NoChillTM: fucking fite me

JefferSIN: I don't hit children

NoChillTM: i hope you have kneepads bitch

Saltfactory: Can you not be civil for even a day?  
Saltfactory: I did not tell you this so you could fight with each other over more trivial shit

WashingDONE: I thought they'd be happy they have a place for their children, but apparently not?

NoChillTM: Sir!

WashingDONE: son

NoChillTM: don't call me son  
NoChillTM: Are you serious about the daycare?

WashingDONE: It's a form of retirement

NoChillTM: But, sir, with the bank on the brink of extinction, don't you think your presence would be better suited here?

WashingDONE: Talk less

Saltfactory: I can take care of the bank in his wake

JefferSIN: As can I  
JefferSIN: Run back along to your cashiering, Hamilton

NoChillTM: Excuse me?  
NoChillTM: I'm just as much an employee at the firm as anyone else, I just work two jobs

JefferSIN: Your opinion is not need, mr. secretary

NoChillTM: Oh, and I expect yours is?  
NoChillTM: And just what will you be doing without your boss?

WashingDONE: Hamilton, Jefferson, knock it off

JefferSIN: Yes, sir.

NoChillTM: As you wish, sir.

WashingDONE: Good.  
WashingDONE: Martha will brief you on what is going on with the daycare arangements  
WashingDONE: I wanted to do it, but she was adamant

Mama: Well, of course  
Mama: I want to be involved in this as well  
Mama: George and myself are taking over and opening our own place in the town with some money we've put together  
Mama: It's not a lot to open the place, and being that we're both getting old, and have no kids of our own, with my eldest moved out, it's grown lonely

NoChillTM: But you're not old, ma'am

Mama: Always the lamb, Mr. Hamilton, but I am  
Mama: And I've tired of being alone  
Mama: If you'd like to come to the establishment, we can accomodate your children. No need to pay, since you're family to us

NoChillTM: That's really sweet

CinammonRollTM: I'd feel bad taking advantage of you

Mama: Darling Mrs. Hamilton, it's no problem

CinammonRollTM: At least let me pay, i'd feel bad otherwise

WashingDONE: If you truly want that, I won't stop you, Mrs. Hamilton, but know your children are always welcome

TheFrenchiestFry: So what's the oldest you're willing to watch?

Mama: At most, five

TheFrenchiestFry: May I request your services as well?

WashingDONE: Of course, son

Mama: Your children are always welcome, Gilbert

TheFrenchiestFry: Merci


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pip says his first word
> 
> The chat group discovers that they can send pictures, and spend hours doing so
> 
> and
> 
> Washington and Martha have also opened up their daycare for business, and Hamilton is not pleased with being called son

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter is short

NoChillTM: um, guys, Eliza is crying

JefferSIN: what the hell did you do this time

Werk: Yes, do tell

Padgie: Did you hurt her?  
Padgie: Because if you did I will fly to put a foot up your ass

NoChillTM: oh wow holy fuck that was fast  
NoChillTM: I didn't do anything to her!  
NoChillTM: SHe's just crying?

Werk: Eliza doesn't just cry for no reason

Padgie: Go find out what's wrong!

NoChillTM: Okay, okay, fine!

Werk: Jefferson, why did you care?

JefferSIN: crying ladies is always Ham's fault

Werk: Don't I know that..

JefferSIN: wat

Werk: wat

Padgie: What do you think he did this time?

Werk: Eliza doesn't cry without reason, so I'm not sure, but i'm gonna find out

NoChillTM: pip said his first word

Werk: Oh-!

Padgie: WHAT WAS IT

NoChillTM: It was mama

Padgie: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Werk: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Padgie: THAT'S AMAZING

Werk: I'M SO HAPPY

NoChillTM: There, now you can perfectly tell I didn't do anything to make her cry

Werk: You're free this round, but if you make her cry, I swear to all that is mighty I will make you pay

NoChillTM: legit getting weddingnight vibes all over again

JefferSIN: wedding night vibes?  
JefferSIN: what the hell kind of wedding did you have

NoChillTM: A normal one  
NoChillTM: ish

JohnJacobJingle: The girls threatened him

JefferSIN: AHAHAHAAA

Werk: Be glad the boys didn't do it too

NoChillTM: Your dad did too

Padgie: Papa?  
Padgie: Daaaaaaaamn

NoChillTM: Why does everyone treat me like a criminal holy shit i'm not gonna do anything

CinammonRollTM: Oh, I didn't mean to cry so much, I was just excited is all  
CinammonRollTM: and I'd like to know that as well ):

JohnJacobJingle: They just want to keep you from getting hurt, Mrs. Hamilton

CinammonRollTM:Why would he hurt me?

NoChillTM: Laurens, what the shit

CinammonRollTM: What is going on?

TheFrenchiestFry: Alex is freezing up

Werk: You're my little sister, and, just in case, we want to make sure you don't get hurt ever by this silly boy

CinammonRollTM: Ahaha, Oh, I see.  
CinammonRollTM: You don't have to worry about anything, we're perfectly happy over here ^^  
CinammonRollTM: Anyone want to see this cute video of Philip saying mama?

WashingDONE: Me

JohnJacobJingle: Oh wow, that reminds me, I should have a couple of Frances saying her first words, too

Ineednointroduction: Weren't they curse words?

JohnJacobJingle: Not ALLLLL of them

\--CinammonRollTM sent VID12746.mp4 to group chat--

JohnJacobJingle: Jesus that's cute

WashingDONE: He's getting so big

Padgie: My nephewwwwww

Werk: Awww, Philip did that, too

NoChillTM: It always confused me why both Eliza and yourself named kids separately after your dad  
NoChillTM: Same spelling and everything

Werk: It's a form of respect 

NoChillTM: Alright, I can understand that

JefferSIN: Y'know, your kid is adorable, Hamilton

NoChillTM: :D

JefferSIN: never do that again

NoChillTM: :D :D :D

JefferSIN: how the hell did you help give birth to such a cute son when you yourself are a gremlin  
\---

\--JohnJacobJingle sent IMG04675.png to the group chat--

JohnJacobJingle: Frances has her first dance recital today, ain't she just the purdiest belle of the ball?

Ineednointroduction: She's adorable 

Padgie: omg cute

Werk: Definitely the cutest there

NoChillTM: she's gonna kick ass

JohnJacobJingle: Hell yes she is  
\---

Ineednointroduction: William just asked me to sew a dress for him

Ellie.Mul: He'd look adorable in one

Ineednointroduction: What colors should it be?

Ellie.Mul: hmmn... He likes blue

Ineednointroduction: With maybe a popped out green bow?

Ellie.Mul: Yes!!

Ineednointroduction: Which cut should it be? Actually, come over to the study, we can discuss it there

Ellie.Mul: omw

JohnJacobJingle: Keep us updated I wanna see Will rocking that dress

NoChillTM: awww, that sounds amazing  
NoChillTM: Eliza

CinammonRollTM: no

NoChillTM: You didn't even hear what i was gonna ask

CinammonRollTM: the answer is no

NoChillTM: But pip would look so cute in a dress!

CinammonRollTM: Alexander he spits up on everything  
CinammonRollTM: it would ruin the dress

NoChillTM: curses

JohnJacobJingle: Herccccccc, can you tailor a small suit for Frances? I feel like she'd look cute in one

JefferSIN: Are you all just switching your kids genderroles?

JohnJacobJingle: You know what role is better than a gender role  
JohnJacobJingle: A jellyroll

Ineednointroduction: John pls  
Ineednointroduction: and yeah i can tailor a suit but I need her here for measurements and fine tuning

JohnJacobJingle: Can doooooo

JefferSIN: I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it, I was just confused

NoChillTM: Fun history fact of the day: Boys in the old days, meaning many centuries ago, would wear dresses and have no negative reprocussions until they were older  
NoChillTM: I'm pretty sure they'd scream if they saw how people reacted to that trend today

PreciousJemmy: There's a lot of negative connotation surrounding the ideal of boys wearing dresses  
PreciousJemmy: Or any "feminine" article of clothing, really

Werk: I saw a man in leggings the other day  
Werk: People were giving him dirty looks, but I'm pretty sure he was the comfiest person in the room

Padgie: Wait leggings are gendered?  
Padgie: shit dude i was just wearing them to wear them

NotyourDolley: Men in leggings are literally the cutest tho???

JefferSIN: What about heels?

NotyourDolley: both  
NotyourDolley: both is good

Padgie: I'm making it my goal to buy all the men in this chat kitten heels

JohnJacobJingle: I'd fall on my face, but hell yes

Ineednointroduction: I'd squish them to death ):

TheFrenchiestFry: I already have high heels, but the kitten pumps sound nice

PreciousJemmy: pls no

NotyourDolley: aww, come on, hon, you'd look adorable in heels

PreciousJemmy: n o t u p f o r d i s c u s s i o n

JefferSIN: suffer with us

NoChillTM: S U F F E R  
NoChillTM: dammit you beat me to it

JefferSIN: haha  
\---

\--Werk sent IMG8475.png to the group chat--

Werk: Oh whoops

CinammonRollTM: awww is that Philip Church?

Werk: My son, yes  
Werk: It's a picture of his fourth birthday party

CinammonRollTM: Can you believe that they grow up so fast?

Werk: He just keeps getting older

CinammonRollTM: You should bring him over sometime, Pip would love the company

\--Padgie sent IMG000987.png to the group chat--

Padgie: I felt left out, so here's a picture of my cat, the only baby i'll ever have

CinammonRollTM: Cuteeee~!

Padgie: Thank you, her name is Snuffles

JefferSIN: Snuffles?

Padgie: She was very sniffly when I got her, and she has allergies, so her name is snuffles

NoChillTM: Kinda like Madison

JefferSIN: Are you comparing a grown ass man to a kitten with allergies?

NoChillTM: Yes  
\---

WashingDONE: The daycare is officially opened

Mama: ^^ 

CinammonRollTM: Alexander and I will drop by with cupcakes to commemorate the occassion~!

NoChillTM: Wait what

CinammonRollTM: Cupcakes :D

NoChillTM: oh okay

Padgie: Can I swing by and steal a few?

JohnJacobJingle: Same tho

NoChillTM: Only if you help me bake them

JohnJacobJingle: damn, that's a dealbreaker

NoChillTM: then no cupcakes for you

Padgie: I'll burn them but okay

NoChillTM: eugh fine just come over, I'll make extra

JohnJacobJingle: hehe  
\---

CinammonRollTM: And you're sure you don't want payment?

WashingDONE: You're family, it'd be wrong to do that

NoChillTM: I'm not your son

CinammonRollTM: Alexander, be mindful of your tongue

WashingDONE: You should listen to your wife, son

NoChillTM: >BI


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I added more characters and the whole thing derailed
> 
> oops???

JohnJacobJingle: aBORT ABORT   
JohnJacobJingle: I MAY HAVE MADE A GRAVE ERROR

NoChillTM: oh god what happened??

JohnJacobJingle: Frances and I made slime

Ineednointroduction: jesus christ

JohnJacobJingle: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway  
JohnJacobJingle: she'sstuckinit

NoChillTM: JOHN LAURENS

JohnJacobJingle: THEY MAKE IT WITH GLUE I WASN'T PAYING ATTENTION AND SHE STUCK HER FOREARM IN IT

Ineednointroduction: G E T H E R O U T

JohnJacobJingle: okay like i'm trying but

\--JohnJacobJingle sent IMG087657.png to group chat--

NoChillTM: please don't tell me that's your arm with her's

\--JohnJacobJingle sent IMG087658.png to group chat--

NoChillTM: JOHN WHAT THE FUCK

JohnJacobJingle: i was trying to pull her free and this shit is evil

Ineednointroduction: PUT IT IN THE BATH

JohnJacobJingle: um  
JohnJacobJingle: can do???  
JohnJacobJingle: let me just carry my daughter and a giant vat of slime through the house to the bathroom alllllll the way upstairs

NoChillTM: fuck the redecorating, just get her out!

-JohnJacobJingle sent VID0007861.mp4 to group chat--

JohnJacobJingle: she's free

Ellie.Mull: oh geez was that cracking sound the wall?

JohnJacobJingle: Yes

Ellie.Mull: Is Frances okay?

JohnJacobJingle: SHe's laughing at me

NoChillTM: good

JohnJacobJingle: Alex D:

Ineednointroduction: John you're kinda terrible at this dad thing

JohnJacobJingle: No, really?  
JohnJacobJingle: Jeez, you get your kid stuck in one vat of slime and suddenly you're the worst  
JohnJacobJingle: I'm kidding btw i know i'm shit at raising kids

Padgie: How did you even manage to do that?

JohnJacobJingle: Okay, so Frances and I share a youtube account so she can favorite things and I can make sure she doesn't get into bad stuff,  
JohnJacobJingle: And she's really into diy stuff, even though she's still so young  
JohnJacobJingle: And I saw this thing for slime and I was like oh that's not that hard  
JohnJacobJingle: So I bought way more than I should have to create an enormous vat of slime because that's just how I am

NoChillTM: no wonder we ran out of glue at the store

JohnJacobJingle: ehe...  
JohnJacobJingle: And she saw what I had bought, so I sat her down, and we started the project  
JohnJacobJingle: Also, my kitchen is fuuuuucked  
JohnJacobJingle: Frances finds it funny

NoChillTM: it kinda is

JefferSIN: how did you even manage to let it get so bad before doing anything?

JohnJacobJingle: I wasn't thinking she'd submerge her arm in it, okay?

NoChillTM: but you did the exact same thing

JohnJacobJingle: okay yeah but that's me

Ineednointroduction: kids learn by example

JefferSIN: A word of advice.  
JefferSIN: Avoid glue when you have a kid

JohnJacobJingle: you couldn't give me that advice before I stuck my arm in the slime?

JefferSIN: Hey, you're the one who didn't say anything until a couple minutes ago, and by then it was too late

JohnJacobJingle: Eh, fair enough

NoChillTM: Have you dealt with something similar, Jefferson?

JefferSIN: of course not, i'm not a dolt

JohnJacobJingle: Excuse me?

NoChillTM: Excuse you?

Ineednointroduction: <.<

Ellie.Mull: uh oh

PreciousJemmy: Thomas, you know that thing we talked about, thinking before you type?  
PreciousJemmy: You should really learn to put that practice into motion

JefferSIN: I'm not apologizing

NoChillTM: It was a mistake, Jeffershit

JefferSIN: Doesn't make it smart, Hamilfuck

JohnJacobJingle: fight fight fight

NoChillTM: You try raising a daughter by yourself

JefferSIN: I've raised two, thank you very much

JohnJacobJingle: baby fights baby fights

NoChillTM: I said by yourself, not with the help of two other people

Ineednointroduction: dAMN

JefferSIN: And what would you even know about how I raise my kids?

NoChillTM: You've got two babysitters and a nanny on standby, so don't you DARE treat John like his choices are any worse than yours when you had someone helping you this entire time, and he hasn't

Ellie.Mull: D A M N

JohnJacobJingle: I'm screenshotting everything being said tbh  
JohnJacobJingle: Itmakes me feel better about my ability to dad

NoChillTM: You are the best dad  
NoChillTM: at least you're fun, unlike some other prick

JohnJacobJingle: actually the best dad would have to be either herc or laf

Ineednointroduction: :D  
Ineednointroduction: where is laf?

JohnJacobJingle: idk man maybe he's working

NoChillTM: I saw him at the office earlier today  
NoChillTM: He mentioned something about his wife

JohnJacobJingle: They're pretty cute together

NoChillTM: indeed

Ineednointroduction: Meanwhile we're over here playing with slime, sewing dresses, and I believe baking if Ham's snapchat was correct

NoChillTM: Wrong   
NoChillTM: I was cooking this time

Ineednointroduction: Why'd you snap cakemix then

NoChillTM: to mislead you

JohnJacobJingle: rude

Ineednointroduction: that's so mean

JohnJacobJingle: Wait Ham has Snapchat?  
JohnJacobJingle: why did you never tell me, you dick?

NoChillTM: because you're an old fart

JohnJacobJingle: pppppppppppppffffffffffffft  
JohnJacobJingle: fight me, ham

Ineednointroduction: techincally i'm the oldest tbh

NoChillTM: yeah but if i call you old you'll suplex me in half  
NoChillTM: oh yo wait a second, doesn't that mean laf is the baby of the group? He's younger than me

Ineednointroduction: oh shit that's true

JohnJacobJingle: lmfao sew him a bib

Ineednointroduction: i'd have to sew you all one, you little brats

NoChillTM: harsh :'D

\---  
NoChillTM: well shit  
NoChillTM: guess who i forgot to add to this revolutionary set chatroom

JohnJacobJingle: who evaded your button clicking skills

\--NoChillTM has added N.Pen, KnoxKnox, and BennyFrank--

JohnJacobJingle: holy fuck look how professional Nat and Ben are, and then you have Henry

KnoxKnox: fight me you freckled bastard

JohnJacobJingle: You wanna go?  
JohnJacobJingle: We can go

KnoxKnox: hell yeah  
KnoxKnox: out

JohnJacobJingle: :O

NoChillTM: omf

Ineednointroduction: lmfao what did i just miss

KnoxKnox: I'm being a little shit  
KnoxKnox: anyway, what's up?

NoChillTM: besides you hitting on laurens, nothing really

JohnJacobJingle: Is someone jealous~

CinammonRollTM: yes, are they?

NoChillTM: asdfghj

WashingDONE: Ah, Henry!  
WashingDONE: How are you?

KnoxKnox: I'm confused by what this chat is. There's so many people

WashingDONE: oh, hamilton has a huge group of friends and they're raising kids, so he created a giant group to commemorate it

NoChillTM: raising kids is hard as shit

KnoxKnox: believe me, I know

NoChillTM: You're a dad, too?

WashingDONE: Father of three, I believe

NoChillTM: jesus fuck good luck

BennyFrank: Confusion abound at why I am here?

NoChillTM: :DD hiya ben

JohnJacobJingle: Ham added you 

BennyFrank: Ah, fair enough

N.Pen: Oh, geez, Alex, what have you dragged me into

NoChillTM: Natttttttttt!!!!!!!!  
NoChillTM: I've dragged you to hell  
NoChillTM: Welcome

N.Pen: jfc  
N.Pen: wait what's this i'm reading about kids-  
N.Pen: Alex, is this your babysitting chat?

JohnJacobJingle: I'm actually crying in laughter

JefferSIN: s a m e

N.Pen: jesus christ it is  
N.Pen: If you needed help, you could've just asked, you boob

JohnJacobJingle: yeah, you boob

Ineednointroduction: How rude, you boob

BennyFrank: Alas, you've misused your power, you boob

NoChillTM: ben no

BennyFrank: Ben, yes  
\---  
Mama: George, calm them down

WashingDONE: but martha

Mama: now

WashingDONE: D:  
\---  
SaltFactory: <.< i was gone for an hour what the hell why are they so many messages

PreciousJemmy: terrible things have taken place

KnoxKnox: Yoooooooo, it's James!

PreciousJemmy: shit

JefferSIN: how do you know knox  
JefferSIN: how do you know james  
JefferSIN: what the fuck

Padgie: wow holy shit why this

NoChillTM: i added people and caused chaos

Padgie: i can see

Werk: ????????

CinammonRollTM: Alexander, fix this

NoChillTM: how

PreciousJemmy: Can I suggest something?

CinammonRollTM: idk just do it this is ridiculous

RedHot: why not delete them

NoChillTM: they're my friends   
NoChillTM: Including ben

JohnJacobJingle: Isn't henry like your dad tho

NoChillTM: ????  
NoChillTM: almost???  
NoChillTM: why????????

KnoxKnox: I feel personally victimized for my age  
KnoxKnox: and yeah i tried adopting alex once  
KnoxKnox: it didn't work out  
KnoxKnox: rude

NoChillTM: old fuck

KnoxKnox: do not speak to your almost father that way

NoChillTM: old f u c k

KnoxKnox: georgeeeeeeeeee

NoChillTM: you little shit!

WashingDONE: Alexander, why this?

JohnJacobJingle: do we need backup

NoChillTM: you bring in backup, i bring back your wife

JohnJacobJingle: you drive a hard bargain  
JohnJacobJingle: fine  
JohnJacobJingle: you won't have backup

TheFrenchiestFry: what did i miss

JohnJacobJingle: everything

N.Pen: Heya, lafayette

TheFrenchiestFry: AH  
TheFrenchiestFry: Nathaniel!

N.Pen: :/  
N.Pen: you missed chaos  
N.Pen: Alexander invited three more people to the chat, myself included.  
N.Pen: everyone lost it

TheFrenchiestFry: Sounds about right

NoChillTM: harsh

Ineednointroduction: true

NoChillTM: ):

JohnJacobJingle: So, I never asked  
JohnJacobJingle: Where'd you meet Ham, Pen?

N.Pen: Law school  
N.Pen: Before he dropped out, we were partners  
N.Pen: We kept in touch

JohnJacobJingle: Oh, neat!  
JohnJacobJingle: We were school buddies, too!

N.Pen: John Laurens, right?  
N.Pen: ALex wouldn't shut up about you

CinammonRollTM: He was chatty in college

N.Pen: Mhmm, about Laurens and Eliza  
N.Pen: wouldn't shut up about them  
N.Pen: I hear he's got a kid with Eliza now?

CinammonRollTM: He does ^^  
CinammonRollTM: his name is Philip, and he's eight months

N.Pen: oH-  
N.Pen: Excuse me, I had no idea I was talking to THE Mrs.Hamilton  
N.Pen: You must think me so rude

CinammonRollTM: on the contrary!~   
CinammonRollTM: It's surprising to hear so much about Alex from college, especially that he had a friend in law school

N.Pen: He never told you about me?

NoChillTM: I did once or twice

N.Pen: I feel so forgotten

JohnJacobJingle: pffffff- ahahhaha

N.Pen: :p


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's an addition of two new blokes and an angsty turn of events at the end
> 
> It'll get happier eventually

WashingDONE: Alexander, do you remember Benjamin?

NoChillTM: which one

WashingDONE: tallmadge

NoChillTM: oh yeah, your second in command, right under me  
NoChillTM: how's he been?

KnoxKnox: His wife is expecting

NoChillTM: no shit?  
NoChillTM: give him my regards

\--Mama added Brewfortwo and B.Tallmadge--

NoChillTM: or have martha add him randomly  
NoChillTM: that works too

Mama: He belongs in the group

TheFrenchiestFry: !!!!!!!

Brewfortwo: Well shit guess I've been added to a group

NoChillTM: Caleb!!!!  
NoChillTM: How've you been, bud?

Brewfortwo: Alexander!  
Brewfortwo: Haven't seen you since school  
Brewfortwo: where the hell ya been?

NoChillTM: working in a bank, and raising a kid

Brewfortwo: Ya settled down?  
Brewfortwo: good on ya, man

CinammonRollTM: You must be Caleb Brewster

Brewfortwo: And you would be?

CinammonRollTM: His wife, Elizabeth Schuyler

Brewfortwo: Ah, excuse me for my attitude, I didn't mean to cause a fuss  
Brewfortwo: I was just askin'  
Brewfortwo: So, you tamed the tomcat?

CinammonRollTM: ^^

JohnJacobJingle: CALEB!

Brewfortwo: YO, LAURENS!  
Brewfortwo: what's with that name

JohnJacobJingle: shut the fuck up  
JohnJacobJingle: I've missed you, dude!

Brewfortwo: ya still with Manning?

JohnJacobJingle: that ship has sailed and sunk like the titanic

Brewfortwo: yikes  
Brewfortwo: How's Frances?

JohnJacobJingle: She's getting big

Brewfortwo: They grow fast, don't they?

JohnJacobJingle: yup  
JohnJacobJingle: why didn't you keep in contact, you dick?

Brewfortwo: life got rough and I forgot you guys existed, tbh

JohnJacobJingle: you asswipe

Brewfortwo: :p

B.Tallmadge: wot

Brewfortwo: Benjaminnnnn

B.Tallmadge: Hey

Brewfortwo: I hear you're expectin'  
Brewfortwo: good on ya, mate  
Brewfortwo: not sure how you'd look pregnant though  
Brewfortwo: probably blow up like a beach ball

B.Tallmadge: haha, very funny  
B.Tallmadge: you know damn well it's my wife who's expecting

Brewfortwo: take a joke, you pillock

WashingDONE: Boys

B.Tallmadge: Mr. Washington, sir?

WashingDONE: Calm yourself

NoChillTM: HA!

WashingDONE: son

NoChillTM: don't call me son

KnoxKnox:son, respect Mr. Washington

NoChillTM: >:(  
NoChillTM: you're not my dad

KnoxKnox: Alex has been saying this for YEARS  
KnoxKnox: I wish it had actually gone through, so he'd stop being such a brat all the time

NoChillTM: I am not a brat  
NoChillTM: You just couldn't get custody over me, is all  
NoChillTM: I'm not bitter about it

Brewfortwo: he's bitter, don't believe him

NoChillTM: fight me, Brewster

Brewfortwo: I'm like two heads taller than you  
Brewfortwo: bring it on

B.Tallmadge: both of you knock it off

NoChillTM: no fun police

Brewfortwo: haha  
Brewfortwo: benny boy is just a sourpuss

B.Tallmadge: I am not!

\--Brewfortwo changed user B.Tallmadge to BennyBoyTheSourpuss--

BennyBoyTheSourpuss: oh, real mature

NoChillTM: AHAHAHAHAHA

WashingDONE: Caleb, please

Brewfortwo: I'm not changing it, sir  
\---

PreciousJemmy: You sure have a lot of colleagues, Hamilton

NoChillTM: I know a lot of people, who know a lot of people, who also know a lot of people  
NoChillTM: It's a long process of keeping in touch

PreciousJemmy: Fair enough

NoChillTM: Hey, have you seen Jefferson?  
NoChillTM: He wasn't at work

PreciousJemmy: ...  
PreciousJemmy: Sadly, no.

NoChillTM: Are you alright?  
NoChillTM: You type like a tool when you're hiding something

\--PreciousJemmy has left the chat--

NoChillTM: fuck

Padgie: Good job, idiot  
\---

NoChillTM: No, srsly, has anyone seen Jefferson, he's been gone all day, wasn't at work, and james madison won't talk to me, that's a nonstarter

Padgie: james won't talk to you bc you fucking called him a tool

NoChillTM: details, details  
NoChillTM: I'm worried about Jefferson...  
NoChillTM: I never thought I'd say that in my life  
NoChillTM: someone kill me?

Saltfactory: Why are you so dramatic?

NoChillTM: you legit always respond when i write about wanting to die  
NoChillTM: you hiding something, burr?

Saltfactory: no  
Saltfactory: My timing is just impeccable

NoChillTM: Have you seen Jefferson

Saltfactory: nope

NoChillTM: fat lot of help you are

Saltfactory: rude  
\---

JefferSIN: Papa isn't alright right now

NoChillTM: ???????  
NoChillTM: who tf

JefferSIN: my name is martha and papa hasn't been home all day  
JefferSIN: he left his phone  
JefferSIN: so i decided to check why it was blowing up  
JefferSIN: he's not here right now

WashingDONE: Do you know where he is?

JefferSIN: graveyard

Brewfortwo: oh shit

NoChillTM: why would he be at the graveyard

N.Pen: Alex, sensitive subject

BennyFrank: Why would he visit a grave, Alexander?  
BennyFrank: Just think  
BennyFrank: Use that big brain of yours.

NoChillTM: ......  
NoChillTM: FUCK  
NoChillTM: Martha, is today, um... Is today important to your daddy?

JefferSIN: he went to visit my siblings... they didn't make it very long in life  
JefferSIN: he offered to take me with him, but i declined

NoChillTM: shit shit shit

CinammonRollTM: there is a child present, Alexander!

NoChillTM: aaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

TheFrenchiestFry: He's broken

Ineednointroduction: I think he's confused on what to do tbh

NoChillTM: Washington, sir, can I go back to the office?

WashingDONE: You'd have to ask John, he runs the firm now, remember?

NoChillTM: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
NoChillTM: fuck, fine

CinammonRollTM: language!

\--NoChillTM added Adams.John to the group chat--

NoChillTM: Original name, Adams

Adams.John: Oh hell, you're Hamilton, aren't you?

NoChillTM: The one and only  
NoChillTM: Sir, I have a question

Adams.John: Calling me sir and not Fat Fuck, eh?

NoChillTM: Eugh, stop being so pretentious, you fat fuck  
NoChillTM: and yes i have a question  
NoChillTM: Is the firm still open?

Adams.John: It is....Why?

NoChillTM: I wanted to do some extra work

Adams.John: Absolutely not

NoChillTM: One of your sections is going to fall behind if I don't

Adams.John: You're talking about Jefferson's office of command, aren't you?  
Adams.John: If so... Fine, you can come back in, but you'll be off the clock

NoChillTM: ...  
NoChillTM: I can live with that  
NoChillTM: Say bye, Mr. Adams

Adams.John: what

\--NoChillTM has removed user Adams.John from the group chat--

\--NoChillTM has added user PreciousJemmy to the group chat--

NoChillTM: welcome back  
NoChillTM: Sorry for calling you a tool

PreciousJemmy: Apology reluctantly accepted

JefferSIN: I didn't know mister JemJem was in the chat

PreciousJemmy: ...Martha?

NoChillTM: She has her dad's phone

PreciousJemmy: Should've known

Notyourdolley: I'll go remedy that  
\---

NoChillTM: So, JemJem, eh?

PreciousJemmy: It's a nickname Martha gave me when she was three

JohnJacobJingle: Can we call you JemJem

PreciousJemmy: please no  
\---

JefferSIN: Why was everyone sending me condolences?

CinammonRollTM: We heard about your children...

JefferSIN: ...  
JefferSIN: How?

Ineednointroduction: Your daughter

JefferSIN: Dammit, I knew I should've hidden the phone

CinammonRollTM: You don't have to be alone in this tough time, Mr. Jefferson

JefferSIN: Well, I want to be, so fuck off

WashingDONE: Mr. Jefferson.

\--JefferSIN has left the group chat--

CinammonRollTM: He must be hurting pretty badly...

TheFrenchiestFry: He loved her with all his heart...  
TheFrenchiestFry: She was ripped away too soon

CinammonRollTM: You knew?

TheFrenchiestFry: Oui, he told me when it happened

CinammonRollTM: Would he appreciate food? I could bake him something

TheFrenchiestFry: Non, non, he just needs time

CinammonRollTM: That's all we can really do, isn't it?

TheFrenchiestFry: Oui

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The idea to add Caleb Brewster and Benjamin Tallmadge credit and rights goes to And_Penny
> 
> A section of Dialogue belongs to TheOddTomato
> 
> And lastly, the angsty Death anniversary of Jefferson's children idea goes to Petukis


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John deals with shitty people
> 
> Alex breaks his phone
> 
> And Hamilton becomes Hamilson, courtesy of a comment I got

JohnJacobJingle: I legit just got called a woman because of my hair  
JohnJacobJingle: I'm just...Um, how the hell do I respond to that?  
JohnJacobJingle: I kinda crabwalked awkwardly out of the aisle?

NoChillTM: Kick'em  
NoChillTM: Kick'em hard

TheFrenchiestFry: Was it spiteful?

JohnJacobJingle: I think so?? I don't know what they want me to do, but I guess that wasn't it?  
JohnJacobJingle: I didn't say anything, but I'm kinda laughing to myself now  
JohnJacobJingle: In what world is long hair just for chickies?   
JohnJacobJingle: Or short hair just for males?

Ineednointroduction: Our world

NoChillTM: ew

JohnJacobJingle: should I do a sassy turn next time?

RedHot: Yasss bby, work it

JohnJacobJingle: Workin' it  
JohnJacobJingle: Correction: Workin' it and embarrassing my daughter at the same time 

Ineednointroduction: Multitasking like a pro

JohnJacobJingle: Is it possible for a five year old to disown you  
JohnJacobJingle: because I legit think Frances has decided I am not the greatest dad for her  
JohnJacobJingle: well shit 

NoChillTM: shhhh, it's okay, my dear laurens 

JohnJacobJingle: to be fair, I'd be embarrassed by my dad shimmying out of the aisle too

NoChillTM: PFFFFFT- hahahahaAHAH  
NoChillTM: I wouldn't know that feeling   
NoChillTM: but having YOUR assbag of a dad shimmy out of an aisle would be enough to put me in an early grave

JohnJacobJingle: oi!  
JohnJacobJingle: that's fucking hilarious but oi!

Ineednointroduction: Henry Lauren's shimmying  
Ineednointroduction: No thank you

TheFrenchiestFry: Why such repulsion?

NoChillTM: Henry is laurens' dad  
NoChillTM: The homophobic one

TheFrenchiestFry: oh okay   
TheFrenchiestFry: OH  
TheFrenchiestFry: O H  
TheFrenchiestFry: bâtard!

NoChillTM: You're a little slow today, no?

TheFrenchiestFry: Excusez-moi?

NoChillTM: I mean no harm  
NoChillTM: Wow shit that was rude  
NoChillTM: ignore me my mouth is running faster than my brain  
NoChillTM: well, in this case, fingers

JohnJacobJingle: fast fingers, eh?

NoChillTM: Laurens hush I'm trying to be serious 

JohnJacobJingle: I'm serious about them fast finger skills

NoChillTM: jooooooooohn  
NoChillTM: shut up and let me apologize in peace

TheFrenchiestFry: I find this hilarious  
TheFrenchiestFry: and don't worry about it alexandre   
TheFrenchiestFry: I am not offended

NoChillTM: thank god

\---  
CinnamonRollTM: Alexander busted his phone

JohnJacobJingle: damn  
JohnJacobJingle: how?

CinnamonRollTM: I'll let him type it  
CinnamonRollTM: okay it wasn't my fault  
CinnamonRollTM: that being said, I got spooked and may have chucked it at burr  
CinnamonRollTM: and missed  
CinnamonRollTM: and hit the building with a projectile phone

Brewfortwo: haha get fucked

Saltfactory: I didn't expect to see you in the office either  
Saltfactory: excuse me for coughing  
Saltfactory: and are you and miss Hamilton going to be sharing an account now?

CinnamonRollTM: This is Eliza again, and goodness I hope not  
CinnamonRollTM: I adore my husband, but sharing a phone, especially in a group message system, is tedious 

JohnJacobJingle: Eliza is dishing out buuuuurns

TheFrenchiestFry: Does Alex need a new phone?

JohnJacobJingle: I think so

TheFrenchiestFry: I'll buy him one

CinnamonRollTM: N O  
CinnamonRollTM: Alexander stole my phone  
CinnamonRollTM: agHDsthJ  
CinnamonRollTM: IM RUNNIN FROM MY WIFE

JohnJacobJingle: jfc Alex give Liza her phone back

CinnamonRollTM: I'm currently in the closet

JohnJacobJingle: But you already came out

CinnamonRollTM: I snorted and Eliza huffed from the other side of the door  
CinnamonRollTM: I think she has retreated   
CinnamonRollTM: haha victory is mine 

PreciousJemmy: You're ridiculous 

\---  
TheFrenchiestFry: I bought you a new phone

CinnamonRollTM: you really didn't have to do that

TheFrenchiestFry: Nonsense, I wanted to

CinnamonRollTM: let me reiterate   
CinnamonRollTM: don't spend money on me  
CinnamonRollTM: cause then I'm in your debt?   
CinnamonRollTM: I think that's how it works  
CinnamonRollTM: ASDFGJHJJKL

TheFrenchiestFry: Alex?

BennyBoytheSourpuss: well then

PreciousJemmy: He either got caught, or is being dramatic

CinnamonRollTM: He got caught

Saltfactory: welcome back 

CinnamonRollTM: Thank you, Aaron

TheFrenchiestFry: May I come over, Mrs. Hamilton? 

CinnamonRollTM: Only to drop off the phone, Alexander is in trouble 

TheFrenchiestFry: Of course

JohnJacobJingle: ooooo who gets to choose his new nickname??  
JohnJacobJingle: also laf forward the number I want to add him

WashingDONE: can I choose it?

TheFrenchiestFry: just add him to the chat, sir

JohnJacobJingle: Laf, the number 

TheFrenchiestFry: oh  
TheFrenchiestFry: sorry

\--TheFrenchiestFry has added contact #23 to the group chat--

JohnJacobJingle: holy shit laf 

Ineednointroduction: 23 contacts  
Ineednointroduction: fuck, man  
Ineednointroduction: I have like 4

EllieMull: it's true

JohnJacobJingle: quick, Washington, sir, change his nameeee

\--WashingDONE has changed user Contact #23 to Hamilson--

Brewfortwo: I just snorted coffee I hope you're happy

JohnJacobJingle: I'd say it's worth it

Brewfortwo: I mean, you're not wrong 

BennyBoytheSourpuss: I'd say he got off lucky

Saltfactory: tell me about it

Hamilson: I HATE YOU ALL

CinnamonRollTM: that's so precious 

PreciousJemmy: One new phone and he finally knows how we feel

Hamilson: change it back

PreciousJemmy: no

Hamilson: Madison stop being a dick

PreciousJemmy: no

Hamilson: I will change your name to JemJem do not test me

PreciousJemmy: do it

Hamilson: James please

JohnJacobJingle: sufffffffeeeerrrr

CinnamonRollTM: this is actually kind of funny

Padgie: why is he so offended by the name

Werk: think about it

JohnJacobJingle: wait aren't we all Washington's sons tho  
JohnJacobJingle: at least laf and Ben are  
JohnJacobJingle: I'm fine

WashingDONE: do you want to be?

JohnJacobJingle: well since my dad is mia, sure

\-- WashingDONE has changed user JohnJacobJingle to FreckledSon--

FreckledSon: neat!

Hamilson: if this entire chat becomes Washington's sons I'm going to eat my shoe

PreciousJemmy: why shoe?

Hamilson: why not

PreciousJemmy: fair

FreckledSon: just to be a little shit

Hamilson: John, don't you dare!

\--FreckledSon has changed user TheFrenchiestFry to TheFrenchiestSon--

\--FreckledSon has changed BennyBoytheSourpuss to SourpussSon--

Brewfortwo: gdi remind me not to drink anything and check my texts

SourpussSon: really?!

Brewfortwo: haha wow gj benny even john thinks you're a sourpuss

WashingDONE: my family grows

Hamilson: I still hate you all

KnoxKnox: you love us

Hamilson: especially you

KnoxKnox: O W M Y H E A R T

FreckledSon: r I p


	11. Chapter 11

FreckledSon: Everyone needs to attend Frances' recital

CinnamonRollTM: when is it?

FreckledSon: Tuesday

CinnamonRollTM: Morning, noon, night?

FreckledSon: night  
FreckledSon: Well, like 5

CinnamonRollTM: I'll be there after getting Alex

FreckledSon: I thought you both drove?

CinnamonRollTM: We do, but we're saving gas until payday

FreckledSon: fair

Ineednointroduction: Doesn't he get paid tomorrow?

CinnamonRollTM: The next day

Ineednointroduction: my bad

FreckledSon: Herc, you and the misses coming to Frances' recital?

Ineednointroduction: fuck yeah

EllieMull: we'll be there

Ineednointroduction: we might cause a scene though  
Ineednointroduction: will likes the dress I made and wears it everywhere

EllieMull: he looks damn cute in it

FreckledSon: If they cause too much trouble I'll pop them in the jaw  
FreckledSon: your son deserves to feel comfortable

Ineednointroduction: this is one of the reasons you'd be one hell of an advocate for human rights

FreckledSon: I try  
\---

FreckledSon: why doesn't Alex type anymore

PreciousJemmy: same reason Thomas left

FreckledSon: Alex's kid died?????

PreciousJemmy: no, they're being petty

Hamilson: fuck you

PreciousJemmy: no thank you

Ineednointroduction: dang

EllieMull: dang

Ineednointroduction: diggity dang

EllieMull: a dang

Hamilson: literally shut up

TheFrenchiestSon: you bitter tool

Hamilson: laf come on you were my only escape

TheFrenchiestSon: you're being an, how you say, dick

Hamilson: that's definitely something you should know how to say

WashingDONE: how does one get coffee stains out of a couch?  
WashingDONE: Martha and I were drinking coffee and she burst out laughing and it is everywhere

Mama: I'm sorry, dear, this is just very amusing

Hamilson: oh my god all of you just shut up already

FreckledSon: Jesus who pissed in your cheerios

Hamilson: change it back

WashingDONE: no can do

CinnamonRollTM: coffee can be eased out with detergent, but use one without bleach, or it might distort the stain forever

Mama: thank you, dear

Hamilson: Betsey can you please change my name?  
Hamilson: everyone else is being a fuck

FreckledSon: just a fuck  
FreckledSon: just a single lone fuck

Hamilson: especially this one

FreckledSon: gASP

KnoxKnox: Son  
KnoxKnox: I will ground you

Hamilson: I am a grown man   
Hamilson: fucking try

KnoxKnox: Eliza ground him for me

Hamilson: wait what  
Hamilson: BETSEY NO

FreckledSon: now I feel like a dick

TheFrenchiestSon: you are a dick

FreckledSon: not the point

\---

Hamilson: scREEE  
Hamilson: how is it possible I got BOTH of my supervisors on my A S S

FreckledSon: lmfao shit dude what did you do

Hamilson: I don't kn ow???

PreciousJemmy: did you break a rule?

Hamilson: I'm a good noodle

FreckledSon: pfffffHAHAHA

Hamilson: shut ur butt

FreckledSon: lmfao

Hamilson: no but srsly they come up to me, meaning business abd they look PISSED

Ineednointroduction: maybe you we're just in the wrong place at the wrong time?

EllieMull: seems like it

Hamilson: god, I hope so  
\---

Hamilson: okay, so don't chew my ass over this, but I kinda miss jeffershit  
Hamilson: I need my debate enemy

PreciousJemmy: He's not ready to come back

Hamilson: boo

CinnamonRollTM: Alex, you need to pick Philip up from daycare

Hamilson: oh shit you're right

FreckledSon: balls!  
FreckledSon: I need to get Frances from Herc

Ineednointroduction: chill, she's napping   
Ineednointroduction: she dressed up in one of will's transformers shirts tho

FreckledSon: where'd her clothes go

Ineednointroduction: I don't actually know   
Ineednointroduction: will said she could keep the shirt  
Ineednointroduction: I aspire to be as chill as my child with sharing

EllieMull: start with sharing food

Ineednointroduction: n o

FreckledSon: haha that's kinda cute

Ineednointroduction: found her shirt  
Ineednointroduction: she gave it to will as a trade

FreckledSon: lmao my child is bartering   
FreckledSon: he can keep it btw

Ineednointroduction: you're not mad?

FreckledSon: hell no, this is adorable   
FreckledSon: just wash it carefully or glitter will get fucking everywhere

Ineednointroduction: got it

\--Hamilson sent IMG0007659 to the group chat--

Hamilson: pip is waving to you all

FreckledSon: oh fuc Kk my heart

CinnamonRollTM: oh my goodness   
CinnamonRollTM: look at his little smile

\--Hamilson sent IMG0004601 to the group chat--

Hamilson: he noticed

FreckledSon: O m f

Ineednointroduction: instant bitchface activated

FreckledSon: how old is he now?

Hamilson: he's four now

FreckledSon: haha you're old

Hamilson: bitch??? Where??

CinnamonRollTM: honey, you are getting older

Hamilson: sCReeEeE  
Hamilson: my own wife

FreckledSon: hahahaaa

Hamilson: wait a damn minute

FreckledSon: shit

Hamilson: YOURE OLDER THA N M E

FreckledSon: sssSSHHhH

Hamilson: LAURENS WHAT THE FUCK

Ineednointroduction: I feel offended

Hamilson: herc, you are a beautiful flower who is getting older, but you're not being a little shit like this freckled fuck

FreckledSon: exCUSE ME

Hamilson: excused; fucking leave

FreckledSon: baby no

CinnamonRollTM: u m

FreckledSon: I'm playing Eliza I promise   
\---

\--Hamilson sent IMG003567 to the group chat--

Hamilson: look at my son

CinnamonRollTM: :D he's precious

KnoxKnox: I read that as precocious

CinnamonRollTM: :(

Hamilson: go get your glasses   
Hamilson: I know you're not wearing them

KnoxKnox: are you wearing yours?

Hamilson: uh

KnoxKnox: don't lecture me when you're not following your own advice

Hamilson: geez

Mama: goodness boys go put on your glasses

Hamilson: ...  
Hamilson: yes, ma'am

KnoxKnox: Thank you, Martha  
\---

\--PreciousJemmy added JefferSIN to the group chat--

PreciousJemmy: welcome back

JefferSIN: Thanks, Jem

CinnamonRollTM: Are you feeling better, Mr. Jefferson?

JefferSIN: Yes, thank you

CinnamonRollTM: If we begin to trigger you at all, please tell us, okay?

JefferSIN: You truly are a doll, Mrs. Hamilton   
JefferSIN: shame you're married to that gremlin

Hamilson: oh fuck off

JefferSIN: wait a fucking second

Hamilson: fuck

JefferSIN: Hamilton?!  
JefferSIN: BWHAHAHA  
JefferSIN: nice name  
JefferSIN: which of your parents did it?

Hamilson: you know I'm an orphan you bitch

JefferSIN: you have like seven in this chat alone

Hamilson: I have only Knox and Washington

Bennyfrank: the boy speaks the truth

Hamilson: and maybe Ben

JefferSIN: so you admit they're your parents

Hamilson: fuck no

WashingDONE: Welcome back

JefferSIN: Pleasure is mine, sir  
JefferSIN: by chance, you wouldn't happen to be the one who changed Hamilton's name, would you?

WashingDONE: I did

JefferSIN: PPPPPFFFFT  
JefferSIN: I love it  
JefferSIN: good job, sir

Hamilson: I'm still not his son

FreckledSon: I am

TheFrenchiestSon: same

Brewfortwo: Ben is too  
Brewfortwo: but he's ignoring the chat bc he's a lil shite

SourpussSon: I'm not happy

WashingDONE: I have a small army of children

Hamilson: I didn't agree to this

WashingDONE: son

Hamilson: I'M  
Hamilson: NOT  
Hamilson: YOUR  
Hamilson: SON

KnoxKnox: Son

\--WashingDONE's name has been changed to WashingDAD--

Hamilson: AAAAAAAAAAAA

JefferSIN: Jesus Christ did you just scream in the office down the hall  
JefferSIN: wait aren't you in a meeting

Hamilson: it's just Adams' administration, which he isn't ducking here for  
Hamilson: I'm not even mad about that typo

JefferSIN: Hamilton

Hamilson: shut the fuckkkkk up

JefferSIN: you can't keep bailing on the meeting

Hamilson: bitch please, you were out of them for a week  
Hamilson: while still going to work, so you can't say you weren't there

JefferSIN: Adams isn't still in the chat is he?

N.Pen: for both your sakes, no

Hamilson: natty

N.Pen: ew

JefferSIN: pfff  
JefferSIN: Hamilton what did you do to warrant that from someone other than me

Hamilson: he kinda hates that name

N.Pen: he's just a big kid

Hamilson: offended

FreckledSon: okay off topic but has anyone seen Burr

Hamilson: he's been with his wife I think  
Hamilson: No one will tell me what's going on

JefferSIN: I think James knows

PreciousJemmy: I do

Hamilson: tell us

PreciousJemmy: I'll only tell Thomas

Hamilson: you little shit

JefferSIN: HEY

Hamilson: what? He's being a little shit  
Hamilson: and he's my friend, too, you fake baguette

FreckledSon: okay honestly that's a perfect insult

Hamilson: macaronifuck just wasn't working for me

JefferSIN: James is too good for you

PreciousJemmy: you both are idiots

NotyourDolley: agreed  
\---

Saltfactory: ...

Hamilson: BURR

Saltfactory: I...  
Saltfactory: Theodosia's sick


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The long awaited chapter: 
> 
> The children's introduction to the chat as little trouble makers
> 
> They've been aged up and are preteens, at least Pip is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter inspired by TheOddTomato

TheFrenchiestSon: Dad left his phone open

Ineednointroduction: same

FreckledSon: hehehe same

JefferSIN: mine had a password but it was just something stupid 

FreckledSon: girl what was it

JefferSIN: macandcheese432

FreckledSon: oh my god how did you guess that

JefferSIN: do you not know my dad? He's obsessed with the stuff 

FreckledSon: omg it's true  
FreckledSon: oh wow dad just got a text from mom  
FreckledSon: wow  
FreckledSon: copy and pasting it just bc I can

Hamilson: dad wouldn't leave the room so I broke something in the next room abd booked it

TheFrenchiestSon: good job  
TheFrenchiestSon: remember to lock the door

Hamilson: I'm on the roof though

FreckledSon: John, you do know that child is just as much mine as yours, right? For fucks sake I want to raise her normally, not with your gayness around her.  
FreckledSon: wow my mom is a fucking asshole

Hamilson: sounds like your grandpa

FreckledSon: ew  
FreckledSon: DAD'S HOME

Ineednointroduction: I'm late to the party

Hamilson: welcome to heck

Ineednointroduction: my dad's gone for the night with ma  
Ineednointroduction: he left his phone  
Ineednointroduction: I think it's a test

Hamilson: haha you lose

CinnamonRollTM: PHILIP GET OFF THE ROOF

Hamilson: um I don't know how

CinnamonRollTM: I'm getting a ladder

Hamilson: thanks mom

CinnamonRollTM: haha you wish this was your mother

Hamilson: c r A P

TheFrenchiestSon: oh god I'm the only one left

Ineednointroduction: what am I  
Ineednointroduction: chopped liver?

Hamilson: I'm here still, georges  
Hamilson: nope wait crA P  
Hamilson: I'm telling your fathers

JefferSIN: my dad wouldn't care

Hamilson: figures

PreciousJemmy: You know who does care?

JefferSIN: I've locked you out

PreciousJemmy: extra key

JefferSIN: fuck

PreciousJemmy: Language

JefferSIN: don't tell papa!

Ineednointroduction: r i p  
Ineednointroduction: which one of you is it anyway?

JefferSIN: Lucy 

PreciousJemmy: she's not gonna be on for a while 

Hamilson: honestly pip is only grounded bc he broke something 

TheFrenchiestSon: rip  
TheFrenchiestSon: papa is gone, but mama is here, Au Revoir

Hamilson: you all grew up too fast

Ineednointroduction: don't get sappy on us, mr. Hamilton 

Hamilson: I can't help it

SourpussSon: meanwhile the rest of the parents are watching this shitshow

Hamilson: language, you fuck

Brewfortwo: yeah Ben watch your fucking language  
Brewfortwo: there are kids here

WashingDAD: why not give them their own place in the group?  
WashingDAD: they are old enough after all

Ineednointroduction: yeah why not let us join?

Hamilson: where the heck are your parents 

Ineednointroduction: date night

CinnamonRollTM: Alexander, dear, let them have fun 

Hamilson: i don't want them in this chat

CinnamonRollTM: and why not?

Hamilson: because I talk a lot of shit here

CinnamonRollTM: I'm adding them  
CinnamonRollTM: after they get phones I'm adding them

Brewfortwo: haha wow way to piss off your wife

Hamilson: speaking of wives don't you have one to get back to?

Brewfortwo: don't try to divert this from you 

SourpussSon: what's wrong with the kids joining?

Hamilson: would you let your kids join?

SourpussSon: god no the sexual tension in here can be cut with a knife

Hamilson: exactly  
Hamilson: wait  
Hamilson: between who

SourpussSon: basically you and anyone that moves and is of legal age and not considered your guardian 

Hamilson: oh fuck you

SourpussSon: isn't there still a kid here

Ineednointroduction: shhh

Hamilson: William go to bed

Ineednointroduction: you're not my dad

Hamilson: woah deja vu  
Hamilson: and I'm not that's true but do you want to be caught awake at this hour by your father?

Ineednointroduction: no…

FreckledSon: why is my phone exploding 

Hamilson: the kids were conversing with them

FreckledSon: oh  
FreckledSon: so that's why Frances looks guilty af  
FreckledSon: let me go up and read

CinnamonRollTM: WAIT NO

Hamilson: ?????

CinnamonRollTM: okay mom let me read what was going on and you have to st o p him!

Hamilson: why exactly?

CinnamonRollTM: because Frances mom texted!

Hamilson: …  
Hamilson: fuck

FreckledSon: GUYS ITS FRANCES UM MY DAD JUST BOOKED IT HOLDING A BAT  
FreckledSon: IM SCARED

Hamilson: fuckkkkking fuck

CinnamonRollTM: what do we do?

Ineednointroduction: he's probably just going to wreck her car

TheFrenchiestSon: desole  
TheFrenchiestSon: Adrienne wanted my attention 

Hamilson: LAF  
Hamilson: JOHN IS HOING TO COMMIT A CRIME

TheFrenchiestSon: hoing?  
TheFrenchiestSon: O H  
TheFrenchiestSon: what do you want me to do ????

Hamilson: I dONT KNOW  
Hamilson: I DONT WANT MY FRIEND IN JAIL

FreckledSon: Can I come over please I'm scared

CinnamonRollTM: Of course, dear, let me pick you up

JefferSIN: why must I come back to this

PreciousJemmy: Laurens is going to do something with a bat that's why

Ineednointroduction: I called mom  
Ineednointroduction: they're going to try to intercept him

EllieMull: we've got eyes on him

Ineednointroduction: thank god

EllieMull: okay we've got him

Hamilson: is he okay

CinnamonRollTM: we've got his daughter 

Hamilson: i s h e o k a y

EllieMull: he's upset  
EllieMull: I would be too

Hamilson: yes, that's good and fine but is he okay????

EllieMull: he wrecked the car he was next to

Hamilson: !!!!

EllieMull: he's fine, Alexander  
EllieMull: his bat is kinda um  
EllieMull: fucked

PreciousJemmy: what is this all about anyway?  
PreciousJemmy: I'm only gathering that it was a text forwarded by Frances?

Hamilson: Pip says it was a nasty text from his ex-wife demanding time with Frances and insulting him for being gay

PreciousJemmy: and that made him get a bat and royally wreck her car?

Hamilson: if Dolley said something like that to you, under different circumstances, would you not do the same?

PreciousJemmy: no I'd talk it out

Hamilson: figures

FreckledSon: I'm home

Hamilson: come over so I can hug you  
Hamilson: and then slap the shit out of you  
Hamilson: how could you be so stupid??!!

JefferSIN: geez I'm getting some strange vibes from this conversation 

Hamilson: piss off

JefferSIN: hey what did I do

Hamilson: you existed 

JefferSIN: the fuck  
JefferSIN: your boyfriend is fine don't take his stupidity out on me

Hamilson: I'm married 

JefferSIN: so you're cheating?

Hamilson: Jefferson shut the fuck up

JefferSIN: did you know this mrs hamilton

Hamilson: James stop him

JefferSIN: Jem is not yours to boss around!

Hamilson: he's not yours either!

PreciousJemmy: KNOCK IT OFF!  
PreciousJemmy: BOTH OF YOU JUST FUCKING STOP  
PreciousJemmy: Laurens is back, he's safe  
PreciousJemmy: Alexander was worried  
PreciousJemmy: Thomas is catching the tail end and assuming  
PreciousJemmy: and you're both acting like fucking INFANTS  
PreciousJemmy: so just stop and breathe

CinnamonRollTM: Mr. Laurens, your daughter is over at our house 

FreckledSon: I need to go clean up but I'll be right over  
FreckledSon: thank you Mrs. Hamilton 

CinnamonRollTM: It's not a problem  
CinnamonRollTM: Just, next time, maybe talk it out? Frances is terrified right now

FreckledSon: it was blind rage I'm sorry

CinnamonRollTM: don't apologize to me

FreckledSon: yes ma’am

\----

Hamilson: wait is Jefferson’s password really macandcheese432  
Hamilson: I'm actually in tears

JefferSIN: L U C Y  
JefferSIN: oh that child is SO grounded 

Hamilson: HAHAHA

JefferSIN: shut up at least I had a password 

Hamilson: okay I'll give you that  
Hamilson: but that is the stupidest fucking password ever  
Hamilson: did you at least change it

JefferSIN: yes

Hamilson: good  
Hamilson: if it's anything having to do with mac and cheese I'm never gonna let you live it down when, not if, someone figures it back out

PreciousJemmy: I already guessed it

JefferSIN: Jemmy no

Hamilson: pffff

JefferSIN: shut up and password protect your phone already

\----

CinnamonRollTM: true to my word

Hamilson: bestey no

\--user CinnamonRollTM has added Pipperpan, DonewithyourshitLaurens, Georgeous, LucyLou, and Will.Mul to the group chat--

Pipperpan: :)  
Pipperpan: hiya pops

Hamilson: shit

FreckledSon: okay but can we talk about my daughter’s name tho

CinnamonRollTM: she said she didn't want to lie

FreckledSon: that's my girl

JefferSIN: awwww look at Luce’s name

PreciousJemmy: wait didn't Martha have a phone too  
PreciousJemmy: hold on

\--PreciousJemmy has added TolJefferson to the group chat--

JefferSIN: is that a quip at your sister?

TolJefferson: yes

LucyLou: rude

Georgeous: oh wow old people 

Hamilson: exC U SE

WashingDAD: well that was rude 

Georgeous: I'm just repeating papa

Hamilson: that rude baby

TheFrenchiestSon: I am not an infant though???

Hamilson: you're the baby of the group therefore you are a baby to me

Saltfactory: isn't Hercules the oldest?

Hamilson: yes and you're the second oldest

Pipperpan: and Theo is the youngest of all of us  
Pipperpan: Mr. Burr where is Theo 

Saltfactory: she doesn't have a phone

Pipperpan: D’: oh

Hamilson: I think you just heartbroke my son

Saltfactory: oops??


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pip can't catch a break
> 
> The kids are now in high school and the parents are getting o l d

Pipperpan: daaaaaaaaaaad  
Pipperpan: can dick come over

Hamilson: wait wahat who the fuck is that

Pipperpan: richard, duh

Hamilson: where in the world did you learn to associate his name with that

Pipperpan: that’s a funny story  
Pipperpan: i was actually hanging with rich, Georges, Ange, and Will after school, and somebody called him dick, and he responded to it, like it was normal, so now we call him dick

Hamilson: well just as long as it's a nickname and I don't catch you two necking sure he can come over

JefferSIN: PFFFFT  
JefferSIN: WHO THE HELL CALLS IT NECKING ANYMORE

TolJeffie: dad no

LucyLou: can I disown myself

JefferSIN: wtf I will ground you

LucyLou: darn

Hamilson: psh looks like I'm not the only one without a hold on my kiddo 

JefferSIN: shut up I have perfect control of the situation   
JefferSIN: but srsly why would you say that I'm pretty sure your kid wants to jump out a window now

Hamilson: because I'm an evil father tbh  
Hamilson: I might as well be blunt  
Hamilson: he's at that age

FreckledSon: JFC ALEX

DonewithyourshitLaurens: wait necking why would they be necking Philip likes theo

Saltfactory: wait

Hamilson: wot

Pipperpan: FR AN CES  
Pipperpan: WHY

Saltfactory: stay away from my daughter

Hamilson: tell her to stay away from my son >:U

Pipperpan: will I die if I launch myself in front of a moving car  
Pipperpan: will please run me over   
Pipperpan: better yet Georges do it

Will.Mull: no

Georgeous: non

Hamilson: wtf Pip stop

Pipperpan: stop being an ass  
Pipperpan: it's embarrassing 

JefferSIN: o m f

PreciousJemmy: oh Christ 

NotyourDolley: see this is why we can't have nice things 

PreciousJemmy: Todd would be grounded if he did that

Pipperpan: wait you're paynes parents

PreciousJemmy: yes?

Pipperpan: lol wow no wonder he doesn't talk about y'all 

CinnamonRollTM: PHILIP 

DonewithyourshitLaurens: so can we assume Pip pop is grounded 

Hamilson: oooooooh yeah  
Hamilson: better yet  
Hamilson: you're gonna help out at the daycare

DonewithyourshitLaurens: r I p

Pipperpan: wHAT NO  
Pipperpan: that is social suicide!

LucyLou: your face is social suicide enough, this’ll just end you

Hamilson: JEFFERSON, CONTROL YOUR DAUGHTER

JefferSIN: no

Hamilson: you are useless  
Hamilson: and philip i don’t careif that’s considered “social suicide,” you’re fucking doing it

CinammonRollTM: ALEX  
CinammonRollTM: LANGUAGE

Saltfactory: so are we just dropping that your son likes my daughter

Hamilson: the one thing you’re concerned about in life and it’s this  
Hamilson: great   
Hamilson: good shit

CinammonRollTM: Alexander!

JefferSIN: jesus christ you’re a mess hamilton  
JefferSIN: maybe you should go to daycare  
JefferSIN: just crawl into there like the baby you are  
JefferSIN: they’d never be able to tell the difference

PreciousJemmy: okay i’m stopping this here  
PreciousJemmy: Thomas, stop  
PreciousJemmy: Hamilton, stop  
PreciousJemmy: Lucy, apologize

JefferSIN: but jem

PreciousJemmy: Quiet, I am being assertive.

JefferSIN: :/

Hamilson: kinky

JefferSIN: excU SE

PreciousJemmy: you’re both infants  
PreciousJemmy: Knox, I need you

KnoxKnox: Yo

PreciousJemmy: You’re familiar with Hamilton’s antics  
PreciousJemmy: how do we put a cap on it?

Hamilson: i will kick you both from this chat

PreciousJemmy: please do  
PreciousJemmy: end my suffering

KnoxKnox: you need to pinch his finger

JefferSIN: wot

KnoxKnox: it’s his off switch

JefferSIN: that’s  
JefferSIN: that’s fucking stupid

KnoxKnox: Elizabeth, be a dear and pinch his finger

Hamilson: n o  
Hamilson: KNOX WHAT THE FUCK

Pipperpan: anyone want a video of this mom is basically chasing pa around the livingroom trying to pinch him

DonewithyourshitLaurens: me

LucyLou: ME

Will.Mull: meeeee

Georgeous: I

\--Pipperpan has sent VID00058643.img to group chat--

JefferSIN: did he seriously leap over the couch to escape her

Pipperpan: keep watching

JefferSIN: PFFFF

PreciousJemmy: please tell me that wasn’t the sound of him falling

FreckledSon: it was  
FreckledSon: he makes a very distinct noise when he loses altitude 

Ineednointroduction: if you watch closely, you can see his leg hook on the couch and bend in an effort to save himself

\--Pipperpan sent VID000584372.img to the group chat--

JefferSIN: tiiiiimber

 

\--Pipperpan sent IMG00005648.png to the group chat--

Pipperpan: aaaaaaand he's out

JefferSIN: did you just livefeed your dad getting knocked into submission 

Pipperpan: you make it sound like that's a bad thing????

JefferSIN: I take it back, I like this kid, he's a good kid

Pipperpan: aaaaaand now I bail bc dad is piiiisssed

TolJefferson: I always forget how much younger everyone is than me

LucyLou: that's cause you're stupid, tall ass

TolJefferson: quote BMC at me one more time and I'll bite you

LucyLou: LETS SAVE THE PITIFUL CHILDREEEEEEN

JefferSIN: Girls!

LucyLou: Oop. Shit.

TolJefferson: sorry dad

JefferSIN: it's alright. Also, Lucy, language.

LucyLou: Sorry :(

Hamilson: how do you do that all my kids act like I'm not even there

LucyLou: that's cause you're a submissive fudge

JefferSIN: Lucy, please.

LucyLou: :v sorry, dad

JefferSIN: as for you Hamilton, try not raising your voice

Hamilson: that's stupid 

JefferSIN: it'll get their attention if you're more calm than you feel

Hamilson: you want me to be meek? God you're stupid as hell

Pipperpan: tbf I'd be downright quivering if you ever reacted like Jefferson does to his daughters  
Pipperpan: you're too quick to hump at things  
Pipperpan: okaythat was a mistake but honestly same idea

Hamilson: ElizaAAAAA

Pipperpan: and that usually follows

Will.Mull: o m god

Hamilson: sassy sassy child

JefferSIN: I love this

CinnamonRollTM: Philip, that is quite enough.

Pipperpan: sorry  
Pipperpan: am I still grounded?

Hamilson: yes

Pipperpan: but it's true!

Hamilson: you're not grounded for that!  
Hamilson: and no it isn't, this is slander!

\---

Pipperpan: am I grounded for hurting your feelings because that was an accident 

Hamilson: whose sassy lost child is this

Pipperpan: dad c’mon

Hamilson: they're calling me dad I'm confused 

Pipperpan: D:  
Pipperpan: dad that's not nice 

Hamilson: it's happening again. They're too old to be my kid, why does this happen to me

Pipperpan: dad…

Hamilson: is he yours john

FreckledSon: Alex stop being a dick

Hamilson: rude  
Hamilson: wA IT  
Hamilson: oh fuck a duck he's crying 

JefferSIN: you're literally the worst parent I've ever had the displeasure of knowing 

Pipperpan: of coursee I'm crying yorue acting like a freak in g monsrte 

JefferSIN: COMFORT YOUR SON, HAMILFUCK

LucyLou: dad have you basically adopted Philip at this point

JefferSIN: No  
JefferSIN: …  
JefferSIN: Yes

CinnamonRollTM: I was cleaning what happened why is my son crying Alexander is this your fault

Hamilson: I did a bad

Werk: Don't type like an ignorant douche. Why did you think pretending your son wasn't yours was a good idea?

Hamilson: He was being rude, so I played a joke, chill

Werk: I will not c h i l l

JefferSIN: FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

PreciousJemmy: Thomas pls

Pipperpan: if dad ungrounds me I'll forget this all

CinnamonRollTM: Alex 

Hamilson: no way he needs to learn

Pipperpan: hey Jefferson want a son

LucyLou: ew no stay away from my family

JefferSIN: I'm not sure your mom would like that

Pipperpan: would you adopt me if she was okay with it tho

JefferSIN: I always wanted a boy tbh

CinammonRollTM: that is my son!

Pipperpan: I’m playing, ma

CinammonRollTM: you better be :(

Pipperpan: I am, I promise  
\---

\--User: Pipperpan has added Angeljoker--

Pipperpan: ANGELICA STOP STEALING MY SHIT

Angeljoker: haha i didn’t do anything, stop being such a baby

Pipperpan: you did!

Angeljoker: are you certain it was me~?

Pipperpan: it’s always you

Hamilson: Angie you know better

Angeljoker: hi dad :D

Hamilson: wait aren’t you in school

Angeljoker: aren’t you at work

Hamilson: i

Pipperpan: ooooooo i’m telling mom

Hamilson: n o

Pipperpan: y e s

Hamilson: go back to class omg

Pipperpan: i’m on lunch

Angeljoker: wait you have a lunch

Pipperpan: please don’t tell me we both have a lunch

Angeljoker: FOUND YOU

Pipperpan: sdfghj

JefferSIN: you guys still do the a lunch b lunch shit?  
JefferSIN: i thought that was only a thing when i was younger

LucyLou: didn’t you just all cram in there at once tho

JefferSIN: how old do you think i am

Hamilson: ahahhahaa

JefferSIN: i’m gonna throttle you

Hamilson: I’d like to see you try  
Hamilson: aBORT HE’S TRYING

Pipperpan: rest in peace dad

Angeljoker: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dj20Ao4Vw9w

Hamilson: ANGELICA WHAT THE FUCK

Werk: THAT’S MY GIRL

Hamilson: ANGELICA WHAT THE FUCK AGAIN

Ineednointroduction: i feel like alex has just given up on being a noncursing dad tbh

Hamilson: don’t mind me just getting STRANGLED TO DEATH

Ineednointroduction: how are you typing then

Hamilson: because he hasn’t grabbed my phone and i type fast  
Hamilson: oh shitqwerfbj  
Hamilson: hjgisdm  
Hamilson: ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

Pipperpan: once again rip dad

Angeljoker: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixqLzIQlfvo

\---

DonewithyourshitLaurens: dude i know something angie has stolen

Angeljoker: wot

DonewithyourshitLaurens: my heart 

Pipperpan: E W

Angeljoker: GO EAT A TOE PILIP

Pipperpan: u nasty

Angeljoker: oh like your gay ass has anything over mine

Pipperpan: EXCUSE  
Pipperpan: I AM PAN TYVFM  
Pipperpan: oh fuck  
Pipperpan: oh fucking shit how do i delete that

DonewithyourshitLaurens: and today on i accidentally came out.com

Pipperpan: SHUT UP

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya, everyone
> 
> So, this is an au in another au, which I'm gonna call dadsquad, and it ties to this fic: http://archiveofourown.org/works/10703667
> 
> It's basically a chatfic, because everyone needs more of those, but with the revolutionary set fathers, and goes through some silly events that occur while they're just going through life with their babies
> 
> Alex is not dad material


End file.
